


Don't Go

by DashFlintceschi



Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: At least he thinks he is, Jona's a total creep, Josh is a bit confused, Josh is with Dan, M/M, Oli's a bit crazy, Oli's in love with Josh, Tom's basically mute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:25:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oli sees Josh, and instantly falls in love. But Josh has been dealing with Jona for weeks, trying to keep him off of poor Max's back, so he assumes Oli's just a no-good slut who only wants to get him into bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I was mid-sentence when it happened. I was in the middle of a sort of argument with Lee, when Jona turned to a group of guys walking past and wolf whistled.

“Lookin’ good, Helyer!” He called, and the smallest of the group turned scarlet as one of his friends turned to us.

“Get it into your thick skull, Weinhofen, he’s _not interested_!” The guy yelled, then turned back, linked arms with ‘Helyer’, and strode away, muttering angrily as he went.

I was vaguely aware of Jona turning back to the group, laughing and announcing that the kid would be his by Christmas, but my eyes were still glued to the guy who’d yelled. I was brought back to my surroundings by fingers clicking in front of my eyes. I looked around, and found Matt Kean looking at me expectantly.

“I said, what’s your problem?” He asked, and I gave him a dopey smile.

“I think I’m in love,” I told him, and I actually heard Jona’s neck click as his head shot around.

“If you even look at Max, I’ll kill you,” he snarled, and I frowned.

“The little guy?” I asked, and his scowl turned into a dopey smile that rivalled mine.

“That’s the one, and he’ll be all mine, once he finally admits it,” he sighed dreamily, and I grinned.

“Well, when he does, you two can do double dates with me and his friend, hopefully he’ll have stopped yelling at you by then,” I told him, and he grinned in return.

“Oh, it’s Josh you like! Good, I’d have annihilated you if it’d been Max,” he sighed in relief, and I grinned again. Josh. I knew his name now; and I didn’t care what I had to do, Joshy would be mine.

I saw him next when we went into the sixth form canteen for lunch. He and his friends were sat around a table in the corner, ignoring everyone else. Jona had told me they’d just moved here from Surrey. The blonde one, Dan, his parents had made him move for his dad’s job, and the others had all talked their families into moving too, so they could stay together.

I grabbed Jona’s arm as he passed me, heading straight for Max. He gave me a hurt look, and I offered an apologetic smile.

“You might’ve been coming on too strong, he might think you just want to shag him or something. I’m going over to talk to Josh, why don’t you go sit with the others, and I’ll put in a good word for you, make him see how much you really like him,” I suggested, and he frowned thoughtfully for a second, then grinned and hugged me.

“You’re the best, ‘Liv!” He told me, hugging me tighter. I laughed and squeezed him back, then made my way over to their table.

I plonked myself into the only empty seat at their table, which was conveniently between Josh and Max, and instantly heard one of them scoff in irritation.

“How many times do we have to say it before that idiot’ll catch on? Max isn’t interested. He will never be interested, so tell your little friend to give up already!” One of them, Matt I think, snarled, and I completely ignored him, turning to Max instead.

“Why won’t you give him a chance?” I asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

“Because, unlike him, I’m not a slut. I’m not gonna shag him just so he can act like I never existed,” Max snapped, and I grinned. Looked like I was better at reading people than I thought.

“Jona’s not a slut either, he’s just a cocky bastard who knows what he wants, and what he wants is you. Not for a quick shag, either. He really fuckin’ likes you, and it’s killing him that you’re acting like he doesn’t exist,” I told him, and he scoffed.

“Yeah, I’m sure it is,” he muttered sarcastically, then frowned at me. “If that’s all you came over here for, you can go now, even if you’re telling the truth, I’m still not interested,” he told me, and I sighed sadly. I knew how much this guy meant to Jona, and no matter what I said to him right now, I’d still have to go back to him and break his heart.

I shrugged in defeat, then turned to Josh, pushed a folded slip of paper with my number on it into his hand, and winked.

“See you later, gorgeous,” I smirked, then sauntered over to our table, making sure to swing my hips a little more than usual. I laughed when I heard the paper being unfolded, then Josh’s exclamation.

“What the fuck is in the water around here?!”

When I got to our table, I sat in my usual spot beside Jona, then pulled him into a tight side hug.

“Sorry sweets, I tried my best,” I told him softly, and he sighed sadly, then quietly asked what he’d said. I recounted the conversation word for word, and when I was done, he had his head down, twisting his hands in his lap to hide the tears that had formed in his eyes.

We were comforting him, and acting like idiots in an attempt to cheer him up, when Josh came over, giving me a glare that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Look, you need to understand this now, before you-” He started to say, but I cut him off by jumping to my feet, almost head butting him in the process.

“Tell me later, gorgeous, I gotta go,” I told him quickly, then ran from the canteen. I’d just seen my little brother walk past, and he looked like someone had kicked the shit out of him.

As I rushed to catch up with him, I heard the canteen doors bang open behind me, and Josh’s voice, demanding that I listen to him, but I ignored him in favour of grabbing Tom’s arm and spinning him around. I gasped as I got a good look at him. He was in a worse state than I’d thought. I was about to demand that he tell me everything, when Josh caught up, and sneered at me.

“Who’s this, some other poor bloke you like to sexually harass?” He spat, and I ignored him, looking into Tom’s watery blue eyes and feeling my heart shatter.

“Who did this to you, Tommy? Tell me who did this, and I’ll fucking kill ‘im,” I demanded, and he looked at the ground, shuffling awkwardly as he tried to figure out how to avoid telling me.

“Don’t you dare ignore me!” Josh snarled, and I turned to him, glaring harshly.

“He’s my fucking brother, so excuse me if I’m a little more worried about him right now! Not everything’s about you, you fucking selfish bitch!” I snarled, and he reeled back as if I’d slapped him, then spun on his heel and stormed off.

I turned back to Tom, and found him glancing between Josh’s retreating back and me.

“You like that guy?” He asked, his voice shaky. He’d always been quiet, and unbelievably shy. I’d been best friends with the others since we were five, and I don’t think any of them had ever even heard Tom speak. Even when he did talk in front of people, most of them didn’t hear him. His voice was always soft, barely audible, but I’d learned to listen closely for his soft voice at an early age, so I was one of the few that never asked him to repeat himself.

“Yeah, Tommy, I like him a lot, but if he doesn’t realise that you come first, then I may have to rethink that, so come on, who did this to you?” I told him, pretending for his benefit that I didn’t notice the blush that rose in his face when I told him he came first.

I had to badger him for the rest of lunch, following him around like a lost puppy, switching regularly between begging and demanding to be told who’d hurt him. Finally, just before the bell rang, he turned to me, looking resigned.

“Fine, I’ll tell you. It was a guy in your year, Dan Flint, I think his name is,” He admitted, and I saw red. That was Josh’s friend, and if he’d done this, then Josh must’ve known.

“Thanks, Tommy. Don’t worry, I’ll sort this, he’ll never touch you again, I swear,” I told him, barely managing to control my rage as I hugged him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, before I spun on my heel and almost ran down the corridor.

Dan Flint was going to fucking pay for this.


	2. Chapter 2

I didn’t have to go far to find him. He and his friends were standing at the sixth form lockers, Josh ranting at them about me while Matt rummaged through his locker for something. My friends were standing a little away from them, grouped around Nicholls’ locker, trying to cheer up Jona as he gazed sadly at Max.

I ignored everyone else, walked straight up to Flint, grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt, then head-butted him as hard as I could. He fell back from the blow, and I followed him, releasing my grip so I could punch every part of him I could reach. I could hear people shouting, and a few girls screaming, but I ignored them, and shook off the hands grabbing at my arms, attempting to pull me off him. All I cared about was making this bastard pay for what he did to my baby brother.

Eventually, three sets of hands grabbed my arms, and someone else’s arms grabbed me around the waist, heaving together and finally managing to pull me away from him. The second I stopped, he turned onto his side, curling up to protect himself from further attack. His friends all crowded around him, talking softly to him, trying to coax him to uncurl himself so they could get him to the nurse.

I realised then that my friends were the ones that had pulled me away from him, and they were all still holding me back, demanding to know what the fuck was going on. I wrenched myself free, and stalked over to him, shoving his friends out of the way until I was standing over him, ignoring the terror in his eyes as I crouched down so we were face to face.

“This was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ , compared to what I’ll do to you if you even _breathe_ in my brother’s direction ever again, are we clear?” I hissed, and he gulped, but nodded all the same.

Satisfied, I stood and turned to leave, but stopped when someone grabbed my shoulder harshly. I looked up, and found the headmaster towering over me, glaring hatefully.

“My office, Mr. Sykes. Right now.” He snarled, then turned and left, knowing that I wouldn’t disobey.  
I spent the last two classes of the day in his office, and he didn’t stop screaming the whole time. Apparently, he didn’t care about what Dan had done to Tom, what I’d done was worse, so Dan’s punishment could wait. When he finally let me leave, it was with a letter in my back pocket letting my parents know that I was on probation for the next three months. My friends were waiting just outside the main office for me, Tom hovering awkwardly a little away from them, his eye twitching nervously every time they tried to draw him into their conversation.

The second I walked out of the office, Tom rushed forward, hugging me tightly.

“You shouldn’t have done that, I’m not worth getting in trouble for,” he whispered, and I gripped his shoulders, moving him back until I could look him in the eyes.

“You will _always_ be worth it. I will do anything to keep you safe, and besides, it’s only a three month probation, no biggie,” I told him with a smile, and he returned it, ducking his head to hide his blush.

I let go of his shoulders, wrapping my arm around them instead as I lead him to where the others were waiting.

“That bastard put you on probation?! That’s bullshit! That little fucker deserves more than you gave him!” Nicholls announced, and I grinned. They may not really know Tom, but they were just as overprotective as I was.

The next morning, Tom and I walked to school together, as always, but when we got to the school gates, Josh and his friends were waiting for me, they’d even managed to convince Dan to be there. When we got to them, Dan looked up at me warily, then his eyes flickered almost imperceptibly to Tom, and the colour completely drained from his face.

“I-I’ll be in the common room when you’re done,” he said quickly, then turned to leave, but Chris grabbed his arm before he could go. He spun him back around, then wrapped a protective arm around Dan’s shoulders.

When they were sure he wasn’t leaving, they all looked back to me, glaring.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but-” Max started to say, but I cut him off.

“He got exactly what he deserved,” I snarled, and Josh sneered.

“Oh, and how did he deserve it, exactly?” He asked sarcastically, and I grabbed Tom’s hand, pulling him in front of me as I placed my hands on his shoulders, giving them a small squeeze in reassurance.

“He beat the shit out of my little brother just so he could feel like a big man. Tell me how someone who does this to a fifteen year old doesn’t deserve what I did to him,” I told them, pointing out the bruises on Tom’s face and arms to them.

“Dan wouldn’t do that. He’s not a fighter, or a bully,” Josh insisted, paling slightly as his eyes flitted from one bruise to another, and I scoffed.

“Really? ‘Cause Tom said he did, and I think it’s rather obvious which one I’m more inclined to believe,” I sneered, my expression instantly softening when I felt Tom gently tugging the shoulder of my hoodie to get my attention.

He was looking unsurely at Dan, and I ducked my head so he could whisper to me.

“I don’t think that’s him. The guy yesterday was bigger, and he had dark hair,” he told me softly, and I frowned, going through every guy in the sixth form in my mind.

“You mean Dan Fletcher?” I asked gently, and he nodded, biting his lip, then wincing as he’d bit it where it was split.

“Yeah, I must’ve gotten his name wrong,” he whispered, and I sighed, then looked up at Dan.

“I owe you an apology,” I told him, feeling guilty when he flinched at the sound of my voice.

“What, he lied so you’d beat Dan up for him?” Matt asked, motioning to Tom as he spoke, and I scowled.

“Of course not! He’d never fucking do that! He got the name wrong, he said Flint when he meant Fletcher, it wasn’t his fault!” I snarled, and Matt nodded.

“Sorry, I wasn’t implying anything, I was just trying to understand the situation,” he placated, and I nodded, then walked slowly over Dan.

He didn’t look up until I was right in front of him, and when he did, he gasped and cringed away, expecting a punch.

“I’m sorry, I only hurt you because I thought you’d hurt Tom,” I told him genuinely, keeping my voice soft to avoid scaring him, and he seemed to relax as he nodded.

“S’ok, I actually respect you for the way you take care of him, despite the fact that I’m terrified of you,” he told me with a nervous laugh, and when I smiled, his laugh became more genuine.

I felt a presence beside me, and instantly knew it was Tom, even before he slipped his hand into mine. I looked around at him, and he was chewing his lip, his nervousness written all over his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to get hurt,” he told Dan, and my jaw dropped in shock. Not only did he just speak to a complete stranger, he said it at a normal volume, which was practically shouting for him.

I barely even noticed when Dan smiled and accepted his apology. I finally managed to get over my shock, and pulled Tom into a bone-crushing hug, spinning him around as I laughed.

“See, you can do it when you need to!” I told him, and he laughed softly.

“Yeah, but don’t expect me to do it again anytime soon,” he replied, his voice back to its usual volume. I shrugged happily and put him down, hugging him one last time as he went to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

I looked around for a minute, deciding that the others must be in school already, then turned to go in myself. As I walked away from them, I heard one of them come after me, and when I turned, I found Josh walking at my side, biting his lip.

“So, I was going to say, in the canteen yesterday... I’m not interested, and I never will be, so just... Leave it, yeah?” He told me softly, and I nodded, bowing my head as I tried to gulp down the lump in my throat. Despite everything that happened yesterday, I still really liked him, and this hurt a lot.

I cleared my throat, tried to speak, and had to clear it again before I could force the words past the lump.

“How do you know you’ll never be interested? What’s so wrong with me that...?” I asked, trailing off as my voice started to shake.

“There’s nothing wrong with you! Of course there isn’t! I just... You’re not my type,” he tried to make things better, but I ended up feeling worse.

“Right, of course. I get it, don’t worry. I won’t bother you anymore,” I told him sadly, and suddenly, I couldn’t control the tears anymore. I pushed past him and ran into the building, going straight to the place I knew only Tom and the others knew about.

I stayed there until break, curled up and sobbing into my knees. One afternoon, about six months before, we’d been messing around in the toilets, bunking 5th period. Nicholls had jokingly shoved Vegan against a wall, only for the wall to open behind him. Turned out they’d found a door that had been plastered over. It opened up onto a short, narrow corridor that ended at an old common room. When we’d come back out and shut the door, you couldn’t even tell it was there, so we’d been using it ever since, during lunch, or as a place to bunk, we even broke into the school at night sometimes, just to hang out in there.

I was using it as a sanctuary now, a place to hide while I tried to get a hold of myself. I didn’t even realise how long I’d been in there, until I heard Vegan’s voice in the corridor.

“Liv? You in here?” I heard the door open, then he spoke again, to the others this time. “I can see something, over by the windows, I can’t make it out, though,” a squeaking sound told me they were turning on the wind-up lanterns we’d scattered around the room.

I saw the room get steadily lighter on the other side of my eyelids, then I heard Jona’s voice.

“Oh, Livy,” it came out as a sigh, then he was there with me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me, until I leaned against his side, my face buried in the side of his neck. “Josh told us what he said,” he said softly, running his fingers through my hair when I sobbed at the sound of Josh’s name.

“Why, so he could g-gloat?” I choked out, the tears coming thicker and faster now.

“Because you completely vanished after he said it, and he said you looked upset, so he was worried,” Lee corrected, and I tried to laugh bitterly, but it ended up coming out as a whimpering sob.

“Why would he be worried about me? I’m just the stupid, fat, ugly, pathetic little bitch that’s been sexually harassing him,” I sobbed.

They knew how insecure I was, it was one of the reasons I wanted as many tattoos as possible the second I turned 18, the more I had, the more of me was hidden away.

“Livy, what did I tell you I’d do if I heard you talking about yourself like that again?” Vegan asked gently, and I sighed.

“It’s true, though! Just look at me!” I whimpered, burying my face as far into Jona’s neck as I could.

I heard somebody growl in pure rage, and I was surprised to hear Tom’s voice follow it, loud and angry.

“I’m going to fucking kill that little bitch for this,” He snarled, and I was so shocked that I stopped crying and looked up at him. He was standing just inside the door, scowling darkly as his usually bright, baby blue eyes darkened to almost navy as they sparkled with sheer rage.

“He can’t help it, Tommy; he doesn’t like me like that. He can’t exactly force it,” I told him, my voice wavering slightly as my tears started up again, making his scowl deepen.

“How does he know that he doesn’t like you, or that you’re not his type? He never even gave you a fucking chance! He just assumed that he was better than you and that you weren’t worth his time! I’m going to make him pay for this,” he snarled, and then he was gone, storming along the corridor, in search of Josh’s blood.

After a few seconds, the others seemed to come to their senses, and Nicholls jumped to his feet, jogging to catch up to Tom. I sighed and slumped against Jona again, and we were quiet for a few minutes, until Lee cleared his throat.

“You know, sometimes I hate you, because you and Tom are so close, and I’d kill to have that kind of relationship with my brothers, but then I decide that I’m glad, you need someone there to take care of you, you both do,” he admitted quietly, and I smiled.

“You do have that kind of relationship with your brothers, we’re right here,” I told him softly, pulling him in to join the hug.

I knew what he meant, though. He had two brothers; one was 27, and the other only 2 and a half. His elder brother had hated him when they were growing up, had hated the whole family, and none of them had heard from him since he left home at 17. His little brother was the bane of his life, always getting in at his stuff, wrecking his room, tearing up or scribbling all over his school stuff, and had even destroyed his precious guitar once.

He could do nothing wrong in their parents’ eyes, though, so they always just laughed it off, and had refused to pay for a new guitar. Lee had had to work ungodly hours at a shitty little cafe for months to get up the money. He kept insisting now that the only reason his brother had been born was that his parents were so disappointed with their fist two ‘attempts’ that they’d had him so they could have ‘the perfect son’.

At this point, I heard scuffling out in the corridor, and Nicholls appeared, dragging Tom by the back of his school shirt. The first thing I noticed was that Tom’s knuckles were bloody, and the split in his lip was even worse, blood flowing steadily down his chin.

“He hit you?!” I snarled, and Tom shrugged.

“It was self-defence, considering what I’d already done to him,” he muttered, plonking himself down so that he was sitting half on my lap, half on Jona’s.

“You should’ve seen him, though, mate. You taught him well, apparently. He went completely mental at him!” Nicholls laughed as he sat down on the empty table across from the one we were on.

He gave us a full account, and apparently, Tom walked up to him, threw him against a locker and proper _screamed_ at him. Called him every profanity under the sun, he’d even made up a few as well, then when he screamed at him to find me and fix what he’d done, Josh had just gaped stupidly at him, at which point Tom proceeded to kick seven shades of shite out of him. When Nicholls finished telling us, I pulled Tom closer to me and hugged him to me tightly.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Tommy, you’ll get in trouble,” I mumbled, and he laughed softly.

“Yeah, but you’re worth it,” he told me, paraphrasing what I’d said to him yesterday.

We all froze then, looking at each other with wide eyes.

“Did you hear that?” Lee mouthed, and we all nodded as the noise came again, a shoe scuffing on the floor in the corridor. Vegan and Lee silently slid from their table, flitting around the room and turning off the lanterns, hoping that if the room was dark and silent, whoever had found our hiding place wouldn’t realise we were there, and leave.

The door swung open, and someone shone a torch into the room. Jona, knowing we’d been found, leaned over and turned one of the lanterns back on. When I saw who was standing there, I gasped, completely shocked and bewildered as to how he’d found us here.


	4. Chapter 4

Josh was standing in the doorway, peering around in dumbfounded amazement. His observation didn’t last very long, though.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Franceschi?” Tom snarled, and Josh flinched, looking around again as if he’d only just noticed we were here.

“I-I um… I wanted to talk to Oli. I knew you’d be coming back to him, so I followed you here,” he stammered, twisting his hands nervously. I very nearly told him to do one, but my masochistic side won, and I sighed.

“Fine, can you guys give us a minute?” I relented softly, Josh smiling gently at me as the others all got up, squeezing my shoulder as each passed me. They all left in silence, except Tom, who, after hugging me on the way past, stopped next to Josh and glared at him.

“If I hear the slightest sound of him being upset or hurt, I’ll kill you with my bare hands,” he hissed softly, and Josh nodded timidly, causing Tom to huff in displeasure and storm out, slamming the door behind him.

 

I looked down, watching my feet swing as I heard Josh shuffle over to me. His footsteps stopped almost right in front of me, but I still wouldn’t look up, until finally, he sighed impatiently and cleared his throat. When I finally looked up, he was standing with his hand on the back of the old armchair in front of the table I was sitting on.

“Can I sit down?” He asked softly, and I nodded, gesturing to the chair with a ‘help yourself’ motion. He nodded and flopped down, and we spent several minutes in silence, me watching him as he collected himself and decided on what to say.

 

Finally, just as I was getting impatient, he looked up at me and sighed.

“I’m sorry about this morning. I made it sound like I thought I was better than you, I’m not, and I know I’m not. What I should have said is that I’m already with someone. Dan and I have been together for nearly three years now. I guess I was still a little pissed and overprotective of him, after what happened yesterday. I guess, what I’m here to say is, I’m sorry, I hurt you and that was the last thing I wanted. Can we start over? Maybe be friends?” He started off confident, but as he got to the end, his voice softened, becoming remorseful then hopeful. I considered him for a moment, then slid down from the table and held my hand out to him.

“Hi, I’m Oli, and I can be a bit of an over-dramatic diva sometimes,” he stared at my hand for a second, then laughed and got to his feet, pulling me into a hug instead.

“Hey Oli, I’m Josh, and I can be a self-absorbed prick sometimes. How about we work through those problems together?” He responded, and I laughed, nodding against his shoulder.

“I think I can do that,” we both jumped as the door flew open and bounced against the wall.

“This is taking too fucking long!” Tom snapped as he came back in, but as soon as he saw us hugging, and the smile on my face, his shoulders slumped as his whole body relaxed.

“Thank God. It’s good to see you smile again,” he told me, his voice back to its usual barely audible softness.

 

Just then, the bell signalling the end of break rang, and I moved away from Josh.

“Guess I’d better get to class. I’m already on probation, don’t want them kicking me out for bunking, do we?” I laughed, and we all went back out to the boys loos, then splitting into four smaller groups as we all went to our separate classes.

 

I spent the rest of the day with Josh, as well as both of our groups of friends, and I quickly found out that Josh and I had a lot more in common than either of us originally thought, and that I would never be able to hate Dan for being with Josh, it turned out he was just too much of a sweetheart for anyone to ever dislike in any way. He managed to get over any fear he had of me by the end of the day, and it ended up that he was much like Tom, barely said a word to people he didn’t know, but once he got to know them, he was nigh on impossible to shut up.

 

After the last bell, I was coming out of History with Max, Dan and Vegan, when our attention was drawn over to the lockers, where a huge crowd was pushing and yelling, trying to get a better view. I got a bad feeling in my gut, and was instantly proved right as the crowd quieted slightly, and a familiar voice rose above the rest.

“Not such a big man now, are ya, Sykes?” As soon as the last word left Dan Fletcher’s mouth, I bolted forward, biting, punching and kicking my way through the crowd until I was glaring into Dan Fletcher’s smarmy, smug face, my baby brother lying inert at our feet.

 

I gently pulled Tom to his feet and led him out of the crowd, taking him over to where the others were all standing, staring at the two of us in shock as I gently shoved Tom into Dan’s arms.

“Guard him with your life,” I hissed, and he nodded, but Vegan grabbed my arm as I went to turn away.

“What’s the plan?” He asked, and I grinned wolfishly at him.

“I’m gonna get expelled, and I’m gonna fucking enjoy it,” I told him, before going back through the crowd, and, without warning, kneed Fletcher in the gut at the same time my fist smashed into his face.

 

Before I knew it, Fletcher’s whole crew was around me, and I could here my own friends yelling from outside the circle that had formed around me, obviously trying to get in and help me. Before they got the chance to, I felt a foot with all of the person’s body weight behind it collide with my side, and all I could do was curl up into the tightest ball possible to protect myself, as worse pain than I’d ever imagined tore through my abdomen, and I let out an inhuman scream of pain, before everything thankfully went dark.


	5. Chapter 5

When I woke up, I was in a soft bed, I had an ache in my side, and I could here quiet voices around me. I tried to sit up, but quickly realised that it was a bad idea and flopped back down with a pained whine. Within seconds, Tom was sitting on the bed beside me, giving me a gentle smile as he ran his fingers through my hair.

“You’re an idiot,” he told me softly, and I scoffed.

“If protecting my baby brother makes me an idiot, then I’m a damn proud idiot,” I told him, and he scoffed as well, then slid his arms around me and carefully slid me up the bed until I was sitting up.

 

I looked around and found all of the guys and my parents sitting around the bed. I gave my mum a sheepish look, and she smiled.

“They didn’t expel you. Once Tommy explained what happened, they took you off of probation and expelled that animal that’s been tormenting both of you,” she told me, and I sighed in relief, she’d have killed me if I’d been expelled.

“What even happened? I know I got in a fight, but…” I trailed of, and Chris sighed.

“One of Fletcher’s dick mates kicked you in the side and ruptured your appendix. We barely got you here in time. They said it was touch and go for a while there,” he told me softly, and I blew out a gust of air in surprise. I hadn’t thought it was _that_ bad. 

 

A few days later, I was still in hospital, Tom at my side as always, when a nurse came in with a huge bouquet of flowers, there seemed to be at least three of each flower, and there were eleven or twelve different kinds.

“A very sweet young man left these at the desk for you, he asked to remain anonymous,” He told me as he sat them on the bedside table, then left. I looked through each one, recognising a few, but most were a mystery.

“Why the hell would anyone go to this much trouble?” I asked softly, stroking a gorgeous red and white striped rose and realising that they were all fake, but each had meticulously been sprayed with the scents of their real counterparts, filling the room with a gorgeous mixture of smells.

“It might have been more trouble than you think,” Tom told me softly, smiling as I raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Flowers are a language, certain flowers have meanings, with some of them, even the colour has a meaning,” he explained, and I nodded, watching as he went over and took photos of each flower on his phone. “I’ll do a bit of research for you, find out exactly what your mystery man was trying to say,” he told me with a grin, then dodged the hand I swiped at his head before kissing my cheek and running out before I could swing at him again.

 

Less than three hours later, Tom was back, this time with Nicholls, Max and Chris in tow. As soon as Tom sat down next to the bed, he plopped a notebook in my lap. I opened it up and looked through it, quickly identifying it as hand-written notes in Tom’s illegible scrawl.

“What’s this?” I asked, and he laughed softly.

“It’s the names and meanings of your flowers,” he told me, and the others all gaped at me.

“Flowers? Who the fuck gave you flowers?” Max asked with a snort of laughter, and I shrugged.

“No idea, they were dropped off at the front desk anonymously, Tom reckoned flowers have meanings and the guy was trying to say something,” I explained, and Tom grinned, grabbing the notebook from me and flipping it back to the front page.

“And I was right. See this one?” He asked, lifting what looked like a purple Dandelion Clock half way out of the vase. “It’s called a Sensitive Flower, it means bashfulness, which explains why he doesn’t want you to know who he is. This one,” He continued, plucking out what I’d managed to identify as a blue Rose, “Is obviously a rose, they mean beauty, so he thinks you’re beautiful. This one,” This time it was a dark purple flower that was kind of shaped like a bell, except the ends of the petals curved up the way, “Is a Hyacinth, which means benevolence, which means he thinks you’re kind and compassionate.” 

 

He had to stop for a moment and rifle through the vase to find the ones he hadn’t explained, then pulled a handful of several different ones out and gestured to a light purple, vaguely star-shaped one. “This is a Pyramidal Bellflower, which represents constancy, which is him telling you he’ll be faithful, loyal and dependable,” he put that one back in the vase, then showed me a blue-ish violety tulip. “A blue tulip, which is a declaration of love,” he again replaced it in the vase before showing me another one, a bright yellow one I’d thought was a Daffodil. “This is a Jonquil, it means desire, so he wants to shag you, which I always like knowing,” he joked as he replaced it in the vase to our laughter and showed me a white lily. “I’m not going to insult your intelligence, obviously this is a white lily, which means pride, I’m assuming he means he’s proud of you,” that one made me smile to myself as Tom put the lily back and lifted the last five unidentified flowers from the vase. 

 

Tom drew my attention to a strange flower, it was white, with two layers of flowers, the outer layers were kind of floppy and curved, while the inner layer went straight up and formed a pyramid in the centre of the flower. “This is a Pyramidal Star of Bethlehem, it means purity, and no, I will not speculate on that one with you,” this drew another round of laughs as he put it back, then showed me a small white flower, the base of the petals were yellow and it was kind of shaped like a pin wheel, which made me oddly happy. “This is a Spanish Jasmine, which means sensuality, another one I won’t be speculating on,” he told me, then quickly moved on to the next one, not that I blamed him. This one was small too, dark purple petals and yellow at the centre, and several rows of petals, which got bigger as they went out. “This is a Bryony flower, it means support, which I think either means he’ll support you while you’re recovering, or just in general.”

 

There were just two left now, the striped rose, and an odd little purple flower with a yellow centre, with strange white stems coming out of the yellow part. “This is a Hepatica, it means trust, either that he trusts you or that you can trust him. And obviously the last one is a striped rose, which means warmth of heart. Make of that what you will,” he finished with a shrug, then replaced the rose in the vase with an over-exaggerated flourish.

 

I looked to the others, and found Max with a thoughtful frown on his face.

“The only question is, who sent them? The card didn’t say anything at all?” He asked, and Tom and I both looked at each other, then leant over and smacked each other on the side of the head.

“Idiots!” We sighed in unison, then Tom leaned over, rifled through the vase yet again, and pulled out a small envelope. He handed it to me, and I pulled out a small light purple card, which had been sprayed with two different aftershaves, both of which I knew I’d smelt somewhere before. I focused on the card itself, and found beautiful, swirling script, more like calligraphy than handwriting.

_‘Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service.’_

 

A lump formed in my throat at the thought that someone outside of my family could feel that strongly for me. I silently passed it to Tom, who made a face and sniffed it before he read it, then raised his eyebrows and passed it around to the others.

“I swear I’ve smelt those aftershaves somewhere, I just can’t think where,” Nicholls mused, and I nodded.

“I know, me too, and it’s driving me mad. I know the quote, though. It‘s Shakespeare, The Tempest, I think,” I mumbled, then frowned as I noticed Max and Chris share a knowing look. “You two know something,” I accused, and they both gave me guilty looks.

“Yeah, we know who sent this, but… We can’t tell you,” Chris told me sheepishly, and I sighed, flumping back against the pillows.

“Yeah, I know, not your secret, don’t worry about it, I get it. Can you at least tell me if I know him?” I asked, desperate to be able to figure it out.

“Yeah, you do, but that’s all we can say,” Max told me, and I nodded.

 

I was about to admit defeat, I knew a lot of guys, and a lot of them wore similar aftershaves, I’d probably never figure it out. But then, the door opened, and my nose was filled with one of the mystery aftershaves, the other quickly following, blending perfectly to make the scent I loved so much without having realised it. I looked up quickly to see who had come in, and my breath caught in my throat. It couldn’t be, could it?


	6. Chapter 6

Jona and Vegan came in, both hugging me and flumping down into nearby chairs before they noticed the dumbfounded looks on Nicholls, Tom's and my faces.

"What's wrong with you lot?" Vegan asked as he looked around at us. I mouthed silently for a few seconds, then gestured to the flowers.

"D-did either of you...?" I stammered, still gesturing helplessly towards the vase.

"What, send you those? I didn't," Jona replied as Vegan shook his head. I sighed, half in relief and half in frustration. Who the hell was it?

A week later, I was out of hospital and back at school. It was the end of my first day back, and I went to my locker to grab my English folder. I reached into my hoodie pocket for my keys, frowning when I couldn't find them. I checked all of my pockets, panicking slightly as I started rummaging in my bag. It wasn't just my locker key on that key ring, it had my house keys, spare keys for most of my friends houses and the spare keys to my dad's car.

I had gotten to the bottom of my bag and was really starting to panic, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun round, and found Matt, holding my keys up in front of his face.

"Here, you dropped these when you were leaving Music, I tried to catch up to you, but you're like bloody Roadrunner!" He laughed, and I sighed in relief, taking them from him with an appreciative grin.

I turned and opened my locker, immediately letting out a small ‘huh’ in surprise. I looked over at Matt suspiciously.

“Did you...?” I trailed off, and he shook his head, frowning.

“No, I’ve never seen it before,” he insisted, and I sighed, my frustration growing.

I reached in a picked up the small stuffed dog. A Miniature Pinscher to be precise. It had a light blue ribbon around it’s neck, to which a card was attached. I carefully removed it and opened the envelope. Inside was the same beautiful, swirling handwriting as before.  
 _‘Until the time comes when I can give you a real one. With love...’_

I sighed in slight disappointment. I had hoped he would tell me who he was this time. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I jumped violently when a hand clapped down on my shoulder.

“What’s that? Ohhh, you’ve always wanted one of those. Well, a real one, anyway,” Tom chattered quietly, and I nodded.

“Yeah, and apparently, the mystery man knows that,” I told him, showing him the card.

“Still won’t tell you his name, then?” He asked, and I shook my head, then looked around to make sure Matt had left.

“I think he’s got Matt in on it, though, he conveniently saw me ‘drop my keys’ when we were coming out of Music,” I told him, and he frowned.

“You don’t think it’s him, do you?” He asked, and I shook my head.

“No, he seemed as surprised as I was, I think he’s just helping him, he probably just snaked my keys for whoever it is,” I replied, looking around, hoping whoever it was might be nearby, watching to see how I reacted, but the only people around were us, a Year 8 girl and Nicholls, who was over at his own locker, rummaging for something.

All was quiet for a few days, and I still couldn’t figure out who was leaving me presents. He was quiet for almost a week, but on Friday, when we all went to our secret room during lunch, there was a huge basket sitting on one of the tables, a small envelope attached to the handle.

Everyone watched me as I crossed the room and pulled out the card.  
 _‘Sweets for the sweet. With love...’_  
It wasn’t until the paraphrased Hamlet quote sunk in that I actually looked into the basket. Stuffed almost to the point of bursting, it held my favourite vegetarian and vegan sweets, specifically my absolute favourites, dozens of packets of raspberry Millions and a huge tub of vegetarian Haribo giant apples. Hardly anyone knew about my insatiable sweet tooth, or those particular favourites, but any of the guys could have told him.

I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled the lid from the tub and shoved a handful of giant apples in my mouth before turning to the others. I grinned around the apples as they all gave me questioning looks.

“‘E sen’ ‘e ma favrte swe’s,” I mumbled, ignoring the looks of disgust and snorts of laughter as I worked on chewing through the mouthful.  
“He sent me my favourite sweets,” I repeated once I’d swallowed the mouthful, and the others smiled.

“Still no name?” Chris asked, and I shook my head.

“I just wish I knew who he was,” I sighed, and Max shrugged.

“Maybe he wants to sure you like him first,” he suggested, and I shrugged. 

“He doesn’t need to, as long as he is in fact a guy, I’d happily give anyone a chance, except Dan Fletcher, obviously. I just wish he’d tell me already,” I lamented, taking the basket with me as I went over to flump down into a chair, ignoring, but not missing the looks most of the room gave each other before they followed suit. At least half of them knew who he was, and I would get it out of them by any means possible.

Over the next week, mystery man upped the ante, leaving something in my locker or our secret room every day. Monday was a gorgeous necklace, an odd mixture of a pentacle and a Celtic knot with the message _‘For when I’m not around to save your arse. With love...’_ After some research, I found out it was a Pagan protection symbol. 

On Tuesday, it was a facsimile of the First Folio, proving that the Shakespeare quotes he kept leaving weren’t coincidence, he did know I loved just about everything Shakespeare had ever written. This time, the note simply read _‘With love...’’_

Wednesday brought a gorgeous, light blue, faux leather-bound lyric book, _‘For your beautiful, heartfelt words. With love...’_ It surprised me how touched I was at this one.

For Thursday’s gift, mystery man left a photo album, with the note _‘For your most treasured memories. With love...’_ Clearly, he knew that I didn’t use computers or a phone for my photos, like most did. The fact that he encouraged this, instead of scorning it as most did, made me fall in love with him just a little bit.

Friday brought a larger envelope than usual, and nothing else with it. I opened it, and found thick, creamy... It couldn’t be real parchment, could it? It had to be card or paper made to look like parchment, but it felt like it was real, and it even smelled like it was real. I carefully opened it and started reading the now familiar swirling script.

_‘If thy soul check thee that I come so near,  
Swear to thy blind soul that I was thy Will,  
And will, thy soul knows, is admitted there;  
Thus far for love, my love-suit, sweet, fulfil.  
Will, will fulfil the treasure of thy love,  
Ay, fill it full with wills, and my will one.  
In things of great receipt with ease we prove  
Among a number one is reckoned none:  
Then in the number let me pass untold,  
Though in thy store's account I one must be;  
For nothing hold me, so it please thee hold  
That nothing me, a something sweet to thee:  
Make but my name thy love, and love that still,  
And then thou lovest me for my name is..._

_If you’re sure that you’re ready to know, come to Endcliffe Park tomorrow at 10AM. With love...’_

I couldn’t believe it. I would finally find out who the mystery man was. Tomorrow couldn’t come quick enough.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, I was at the park at ten on the dot. As I got to the gates, I noticed an envelope attached to one of them with my name on it in a familiar hand. I pulled it down and opened it. Inside, was a photo I’d taken of Tom’s split lip after Dan Fletcher had beaten him up. I turned it over and found the usual flowing script on the back.

 _‘This is the first clue, the second is where Tom broke his first bone.’_ I frowned in confusion. He wanted me to follow a scavenger hunt to him? I thought about it for a second. The first bone Tom broke... I smiled to myself and hurried over to the play park a little way inside the gates. Tom had fallen from the monkey bars and broken his arm when he was six.

I went straight under the monkey bars and looked up, and sure enough, on the middle rung was another envelope on a ribbon. I didn’t even have to climb up, I was tall enough that I just had to jump a little, and the envelope was in my hand, the ribbon coming loose from the bar easily. Inside was another photo. This time it was of my scraped, bloody knuckles after I’d beaten up the wrong Dan. Again, the next direction was written on the back.

 _‘The next clue is where you had your first kiss.’_ I frowned, just how many of my bloody friends were helping him? And why the hell was he using these weird photos as clues? Again, I had to think about it for a minute, but then I remembered; the taste of overpoweringly strong watermelon bubblegum, the smell of a sickeningly sweet perfume mixing unflatteringly with the scent of flowers, and the sting of being slapped. I had made the mistake of telling the girl I’d kissed that I was most certainly gay, and I hadn’t really been gentle about it, either.

I walked quickly to the flower gardens, struggling to remember the exact spot. I found it eventually, and found the next envelope in a flower pot, placed gently so it wouldn’t dislodge and be lost, or damage any of the flowers. This time, it was a photo of our secret common room. It had to be one of my friends, none of them would risk exposing and potentially losing it for some guy that fancied me.

 _‘The place you first told a friend you were gay.’_ So that meant _at least_ Tom and Nicholls were helping him. Nicholls was the first one I’d told, and he and I were the only ones that knew where. I hurried across the park to the start of the trail that lead through the woods. In next to no time, I was in the clearing we used to hang out in, before we’d found the hidden common room. In one of the chairs we’d made from rocks and wood we’d found, was the next envelope. Inside was a beautiful photo of a river, though I couldn’t tell which one. There wasn’t a significant memory or place on the back of this photo, just a direction.

 _‘Follow the path on the North side of the clearing until you find a stream.’_ I frowned and pulled out my phone, glad I had a compass app on it, otherwise I’d end up lost in the woods for hours. Once I found North, and the path he meant, I strolled along it at a fast, but casual pace, musing to myself as I went. Was he really this shy, or was he messing with me? The only person I knew who was this shy was Tom, and there was no way it was him. But if this guy liked me as much as he seemed to, well, loved, if his notes were anything to go by, why would he mess with me?

I was so lost in thought that I found the stream by walking straight into it. I swore and backtracked, finding the next envelope pinned to a tree at the side of the track. Instead of a photo, this one held a scrap of material from what felt like a t-shirt or a jumper, sprayed with the same two aftershaves I kept smelling everywhere, that were driving me mad. Attached to the scrap by a safety pin was a small piece of paper.  
 _‘Follow the track West until you reach the café._

It took almost half an hour to wind my way through the woods to the café. When I got there, I started wandering around, wondering where he might have left the next clue.

“Liv!” I spun around at the call of my name, and found Josh and Dan sitting on one of the outdoor bench tables.

“Oh, hey. Listen, I can’t talk, I’m looking for something… You haven’t seen a green envelope with my name on it anywhere, have you?” I asked distractedly, still looking around for where he might have left it.

“There isn’t one. You’re at the end of the trail,” Dan told me softly, and I looked back to him in confusion, which grew as they both grinned.

“You were the one that assumed there was only one guy, we didn’t see the point in anyone contradicting you,” Josh told me, his grin fading as I continued to frown.

My mind was spinning, trying to make sense of it, settling on one thing. I pointed an accusatory finger at them.

“I’ve seen both of your handwriting. Josh, yours is barely legible, and yours isn’t much better, Dan,” I accused, and Dan grinned.  
“Only when I can’t be bothered making it look decent. My mum forced me to learn calligraphy when I was in Year 7. This is the only time since then I’ve found something worth using it for,” he told me, and I nodded, that much making sense at least.

My mind whirled again, and pieces started to slot into place.

“I get it now… The clues you left. The first two, because I wouldn’t have met either of you if Tom hadn’t gotten the wrong Dan. The common room because you followed Tom there after he hit you, it’s where we properly became friends, the river… Ah, it’s the river Wey, which runs through Weybridge. The last one is obvious, the aftershave-” I was cut off by Josh raising his hand.

“Not just that. The material is from an exact double of my favourite hoodie, the one you keep stealing,” he told me, and I nodded. I’d known it felt familiar, I just couldn’t figure out where from.

I looked between them for a moment, and sighed.

“You know, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble. A simple ‘hey, we fancy you’ would have done,” I told them with a smile, and they both laughed, shrugging.

“We weren’t sure how you’d take the whole polygamy thing, and the fact that Josh turned you down before. We wanted to make sure you were interested first,” Dan told me softly, and I nodded.

“Well, polygamy was never going to bother me, I’m pretty open minded about most things. As for Josh turning me down, I actually have a massive amount of respect for you because of that,” I told them, and Josh laughed as he gave me a confused look.

“Well, think about it. How many seventeen year olds would have used that to have a bit on the side? You could easily have told me you liked me instead, and Dan would never have known. The fact that you went the way you did is a big thing in my eyes,” I explained, and Josh grinned at me, only it was a special grin I’d only ever seen him give Dan before, a big one that showed off his teeth and made his eyes sparkle, it actually made my breath catch slightly.

While I was recovering from that grin, Dan leaned over and gently took my hand.

“So, what do you say? Did we catch your attention enough?” His voice was little more than a whisper, a slight nervous shake in it that I chose to ignore.

“You never needed to catch it, you always had it,” I told them with a smile, and they both grinned as Josh jumped down from the table and pulled me into a hug.

After they’d properly asked me to be their boyfriend, and I had obviously said yes, we took a walk around the park.

“So, how many of those arseholes were helping you without telling me?” I asked with a joking scowl, and they both laughed.

“All of them, actually. You really thought Tom could do that much research on that many flowers in three hours? That was three days worth of research he’d helped us with before we sent them,” Josh told me, and I groaned.

“Of course! I’d never suspect Tom, he’s never been able to lie to me, or keep a secret from me, for that matter,” I realised, smiling as Dan swung our joined hands as he walked.

“Yeah, and it was Tom that helped us with the First Folio and all the quotes. Lee was responsible for the Mini Pinscher, Nicholls for the sweets, Jona thought of the lyric book and Vegan came up with the photo album,” this was all conveyed by both of them, skipping back and forth mid-sentence with a synchronicity that rivalled mine and Tom’s.

I realised they’d missed one, though.

“What about this?” I asked, letting go of Josh’s hand to finger the pendent of the necklace they’d given me, which had only left my neck when I was in the shower since I’d put it on at the start of the week.

“Oh, that was our idea. Trouble seems to follow you around like a shadow, so it seemed a good idea to get you something that would keep you safe when we weren’t there to protect you,” Josh told me, lacing his fingers with mine again and squeezing gently.

We walked around the park for a few hours, just talking and occasionally doing something stupid, usually involving the play park. When we did finally go home, they both insisted on walking me to my front gate, each giving me a soft, chaste kiss as they went. I sighed happily and wandered up the front path. Finally, things seemed to be going my way.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few weeks passed quietly. School was easy and quiet, now that that Fletcher prick was out of the way, all of my friends had easily merged from two groups into one happy, close knit one; even managing to draw Tom in and get him to open up a little; and Josh, Dan and I were floating along in a little loved up bubble.

One Friday morning, when we'd been together for about three weeks, I was hiding behind the Science block during break, chain smoking as much as possible in the fifteen minutes given. I was lost in thought, watching the world go by, so I jumped violently when hands grabbed my hips and someone's lips pressed against my neck.

I spun round and found Dan, his hands still on my hips and his eyes glittering with barely contained mirth.

"Jesus! Don't do that!" I scolded him, lightly slapping his chest as his mirth finally bubbled over.

"I yelled your name three times!" He laughed, sliding his arms around my waist and pulled me close against him, kissing me to get rid of my embarrassed pout. "I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have laughed," he apologised, leaning forward hesitantly, and I met him half way, silently accepting his apology. 

Without either of us meaning for it, the kiss steadily got hotter and heavier, until I was pinned against the wall, my fingers tangled in Dan's short peroxide blond hair, tugging on it every few seconds for the soft moan it pulled from him each time; my left leg hitched up around his hip.

We both jumped and pulled away as the bell shrilled above our heads, signalling the start of third period. I had a free period now, so I reached to pull Dan back to me, but he shook his head with an apologetic smile.

"I can't, as much as I want to, I have double French," he told me softly, and I sighed and nodded.

"Fine, but we're finishing this during lunch," I told him with a grin, which he returned with a nod, then gave me one last quick kiss, grabbed his bag and rushed off with a parting wave.

When lunch rolled around, I went to the secret common room, slightly disgusting but ultimately edible veggie burger from the cafeteria in hand, intent on finding Dan and picking up where we left off as quickly as possible. When I got there, though, everyone was oddly quiet, talking softly and obviously trying to ignore the tension in the atmosphere. I went over to one of the couches and flumped down between Josh and Chris, and somehow, half a second later, I was on the floor with a sharp pain at the base of my spine.

I looked up and found Josh scowling at me, and I frowned as hurt flooded through me.

"Very fucking mature, Joshua, why don't you give him a wedgie next,” Dan spat as he helped me to my feet, then led me over to an armchair, threw himself down into it and pulled me into his lap.

“What did I do?” I asked softly once I’d gotten settled, and his face softened as he sighed.

“Fucked if I know. He’s been like that with me too since third period. He won’t talk to me, he won’t tell me what either of us has supposedly done wrong, and he’s managed to smack me in the head with a ruler and his French folder about seven times now,” he told me, watching sadly as Josh continued to scowl at us for a minute, then sniffed in distain and turned away, ignoring us both pointedly as he started up what looked like a whispered rant in Chris’ ear.

Josh’s mood carried on for the rest of the day, swapping between scowling at us both and anyone who spoke to either of us; hitting us with a ruler, book, folder or whatever was close to hand that would sting; or just completely ignoring us, which I’ll admit, hurt the most of all of it. He still wouldn’t tell either of us what we’d done, and although we knew he’d told Chris and Max, when we asked them, they insisted they didn’t want to get involved and refused to tell us, which, while we understood, was frustrating. 

We had intended to spend the weekend trying to get Josh to talk to us, but when I woke up before the sun had even risen on Saturday morning, it was with a searing migraine and vomit quickly coming up my throat. I barely made it to the toilet in time, and by the time I finally finished heaving, Tom had been banging on the door for half an hour, the noise sending my already unbearable migraine into a fever pitch that pulled torn sobs from my throat.

Thankfully, my sobbing alerted Tom to the fact that something was wrong. After he’d almost carried me back to bed, he climbed in with me and let me curl into his side, burrowing my face into his shoulder as his fingers slid through my hair, his other hand coming up to massage my temple soothingly.

The dark, silence, and Tom’s ministrations were just starting to make my migraine fade to a bearable level, when my phone lit up on the bedside table, lighting up the whole room as it rang shrilly, making me hide my face in Tom’s chest and start feebly sobbing again as Tom quickly grabbed it and answered it. I heard him talking softly for a minute, then he handed the now mercifully dark phone to me.

“It’s Dan, I told him to talk as quietly as possible,” he told me, and I thanked him weakly as I raised it to my ear.

“Hey baby, Tom said you’re sick, you want me to come over?” Dan whispered, and I silently thanked every deity in existence that he wasn’t a loudmouth. 

“It’s just a migraine, I get them every now and again. Nothing to worry about,” I told him, and I heard him sigh.

“Let me rephrase that. What I meant was, ‘I’m going to worry about you either way, so kindly agree to me coming over and taking care of you, because I’ll worry about you a lot less that way.’ So, I’ll be over in ten minutes, alright?” I couldn’t help but laugh, feeling better already.

“Ok, fine, I’ll see you in ten minutes,” I relented, trying to ignore the wish that Josh was coming with him. That thought just caused a searing pain to flair up behind my eyes.

True to his word, Dan was on the doorstep exactly ten minutes later, two shopping bags in his hand. With Tom’s help, he made me tea and got my meds before he came up to my room, managing, despite his hands being loaded with stuff, to open the door as little as possible, slide in and close it again, making sure as little light as possible got in. I watched his outline shuffle across the room, set my tea and meds down on the bedside table, then crawl into the bed with me. He stroked my face for a few seconds, then cupped the back of my head with his hand, lift it up slightly, then there was something soft, squishy and deliciously hot around the back of my neck, and I couldn’t help but moan softly in sheer relief as a massive amount of pressure behind my eyes almost immediately eased off.

“It’s a wheat heat cushion, I have back problems and it usually helps, so I thought it might do some good,” he whispered as he went back to stroking my face, stopping to massage my temples and around my eyes, making me moan again.

“It’s magic, it has to be,” I groaned, making him laugh softly.

After about ten minutes of lying in the dark, Dan playing with my hair, massaging my temples and whispering comfortingly to me, I finally felt able to sit up and take my meds, then leant back against Dan’s chest as I sipped my tea. Eventually, the meds kicked in and the pain faded to a dull ache, just enough that I managed to put on the TV without sobbing or vomiting, and we settled down to watch my Supernatural box set.

We were half way through season three when Dan’s phone rang. Thankfully, he’d had the forethought to put it on silent before he’d gotten here. He pulled it out of his pocket, checked the screen quickly and answered it, mouthing _‘Matt’_ to me as he answered it and put it on speaker.

 _“Dan, where the hell are you?”_ He was almost shouting, and I flinched as pain flared up behind my eyes again.

“Shush! I’m at Oli’s, he’s got a migraine, and you’re on speaker, for god sake shush a bit,” Dan admonished, and Matt sighed.

 _“Well, Josh heard you two talking yesterday, about coming over to try to talk to him. He said he’d be willing to talk to you, once he’d had some alone time to think. Now it’s the middle of the afternoon, you guys are nowhere to be seen, and Josh is even more pissed than-”_

He was cut off, a strange scuffling noise on the other end, then Josh was there.

 _“So what, you two are just cloistered away somewhere? You’ve just decided you don’t fucking care about me anymore?”_ He shouted, his voice cracking at the volume, and suddenly the migraine was back full force. I whimpered, doubling over as I clutched my head.

“J, babe, please, I know you’re upset, but please can you whisper, or at least talk quietly?” Dan begged, rubbing the back of my neck to sooth me.

 _“Why the fuck should I? After yesterday, now today you’re both hidden away! If you guys wanted rid of me, you should have just said!”_ He screamed, and I folded over my legs completely, tugging at my hair as I started sobbing at the unbearable, blinding pain.

“J, please! We didn’t come over because Oli gets migraines, and he has one now. You’re on speaker and you’re killing him. Please, just come over and we can talk, quietly and calmly, please,” Dan pleaded, trying his best to whisper and still convey how desperate he was to fix things. Everything was quiet for a few seconds, then Josh heaved a sigh.

 _“Fine, I’ll be over in five minutes.”_ He relented, thankfully he kept his voice as soft as possible this time, but I was to busy remembering to breathe to fully appreciate it.

Thankfully, it had been long enough that I could take my pain meds again, and Dan went to heat up the wheat pillow again, so when Tom knocked softly on my door and told us that Josh was here, then let him in, most of the pain had faded again. My heart sunk slightly when he sat on the chair at my desk instead of on the bed with us.

“I’m sorry I shouted. If I’d known how much pain you were in, I wouldn’t have,” Josh told me softly, and I nodded as I gave him a soft smile, silently accepting his apology. 

Dan cleared his throat.

“What did you mean, ‘we should have just said if we wanted rid of you’? Why would you think that?” He asked sadly, and Josh scoffed.

“How about yesterday, when you snuck off to grope each other, you didn’t even seem to think twice about me. God, I feel like a whiney bitch, but... It really hurt, ok? It felt like you didn’t want me there, like you were trying to push me out,” he sighed, rubbing his face, and finally, I understood.

I got to my feet, and staggered to one side, only being saved from crashing painfully into the bookcase full of DVD’s by Josh, who jumped up and grabbed me, wrapping his arms around my waist to steady me. I softly thanked him, then, once he’d sat back down, I slid into his lap, snuggling my face into his collarbone.

“We would never push you out, and we’d never want rid of you, ok? We were round there because I was smoking as much as possible before the end of break, and... I don’t actually know why Dan was there,” I reassured him, and Dan laughed slightly.

“I was looking for you. No one had seen you all morning, and I was worried,” he turned his attention to Josh. “You were in the bathroom when I went looking, I told Jona to tell you where I’d gone. It was totally spur of the moment. I scared him, I kissed him when he forgave me, and it just kind of escalated,” he explained softly, and Josh nodded, running his fingers through my hair.

We were quiet for a few minutes, until I got up the guts to say what I wanted to. Finally, I cleared my throat, and they both turned their attention to me.

“I think this is something we need to sort out. I mean... I want us each to have two relationships, but still be the one relationship, and none of this is coming out the way I want it to,” I sighed, tugging my hair in frustration.

Josh threaded his fingers with mine, gently pulling them out of my hair.

“I think I know what you mean. You want all three of us to be able to spend time together, but... At the same time, you want to be able to spend time just me and you, or you and Dan, or me and Dan, without anyone getting jealous or upset or feeling insecure,” he explained, and I pouted.

“That’s exactly what I was trying to say! Why can you say it so easily and I can’t?” I whined, and they both laughed.

“So, do you think we can do it? Spend time together and without one or the other of us without anyone getting upset?” Dan asked softly, and I nodded.

“I think we can. But right now, all the talking is hurting my head, so we are going to lie on my bed, cuddle, and finish watching Supernatural,” I insisted, and they both complied without complaint.


	9. Chapter 9

Things went smoothly for the next few months. The three of us managed to work out the kinks in our relationship; I stopped getting in trouble at school and was actually doing surprisingly well, which mum insisted was thanks to Dan and Josh’s ‘good influence’. The only thing that happened was that Jona started acting very…Odd. He would disappear for hours, sometimes days at a time; when he was around, he barely spoke, except to Max, who was often subjected to endless hours of barely coherent rambling. 

We also had a new addition to our group. An initially shy, quite guy named Jordan. He’d sat next to me in English on his first day, and after a week or so of awkward smiles and mumbled ‘hello’s, I’d started up a conversation with him, and it turned out that once you got him talking, he was fantastically weird, and had the same fucked up, morbid sense of humour as I did, so naturally, I dragged him into our group. Thankfully, he got on as well with the others as he did with me, and soon, it was like he’d always been there.

Something had started to worry me, though. Max had gotten jumpy and paranoid, constantly looking over his shoulder, insisting he could hear things no-one else could, and he’d started rapidly dropping huge chunks of weight in fits and starts, turning pale and gaunt as huge purple bags developed under his eyes.

Finally, Josh, Tom and I grabbed him after the final bell rang one Friday and dragged him to our common room and demanded to know what was going on. He looked hesitant and shifty for a few moments, eyes darting to every corner and shadow in the room, until he finally relaxed slightly and gusted out a sigh.

“I think someone’s following me,” his voice was harsh and hushed, as if he was scared someone might be listening, which, considering his words, was probably exactly what he thought.

“Someone’s following you?” Josh repeated with a frown, and Max nodded.

“I think so. I’ve never actually seen him, but I’ve heard him behind me, and I constantly feel eyes on me. My cat’s started going mad in the middle of the night, as if someone’s in the house, but when I look, no-one’s there; a restricted number has been phoning my mobile and the landline at all hours. When I answer, I can just hear breathing, sometimes groaning, like someone’s in pain. It’s scaring the shit out of me,” this all came out quickly, almost in one breath, and we were all silent for a few minutes, while the three of us processed what we’d heard and tried to figure out what to do.

In the end, we decided to make up a rota. At least one of us would be with Max at all times, but we all agreed to leave Jona out, since he was barely there anymore, and none of us really trusted him to show up when he was supposed to. We ended up working it so eight of us did two hour shifts during the day, then we’d take turns of two of us staying overnight with him. Thankfully, his parents were worried about him enough that they agreed to this without argument.

Josh and I were with him on the first night, and while he seemed less jumpy, he still jumped up to peek around the curtains every ten minutes and started violently with a gasp each time one of our phones chimed. Eventually, we took pity on him and I sent out a mass text telling all of the others not to text the three of us for the rest of the night.

The phone calls started just after seven o’clock. When the landline rang, I was halfway out of my seat to answer it when Max’s mum called from the kitchen, insisting that she would get it. She appeared at the living room door a minute later.

“It’s starting again, isn’t it?” Max asked softly, and she nodded with a sigh.

When Max’s mobile rang five minutes later, he checked the screen and gulped.

“Restricted,” he whispered hoarsely, and I reached over, plucking the phone from his hand. I answered it, and instead of saying anything, let out the loudest scream I could muster into the mouthpiece, then immediately hung up and handed it back to him. This had the unfortunate result of bringing both of Max’s parents running into the room looking terrified. Thankfully, it only took a few sheepish apologies and an explanation to placate them, and we managed to go three full hours without the phone ringing.

It rang again just after ten o’clock, and Max immediately handed it to me. I answered it and took a breath to scream again, this time having warned his parents first, but before I could, I heard a distorted voice coming from it.

“Scream again and I’ll slit your throat, bitch. Back off, Max is _mine_. If I see either of you near him again, I’ll make you watch while I fuck your precious boyfriend half to death and then gut him, then do the same to you.”

With that, the line went dead, and I could feel Max and Josh staring at me.

“What did he say? Did you recognise his voice?” Max asked quietly, but I couldn’t move. A few seconds of silence passed, then I jumped as I felt hands on my knees. I looked up and found Josh crouching in front of me looking worried as he took my hands in his.

“Baby, what did he say? You’re white as a sheet, what could’ve scared you so badly?” He asked softly, gently rubbing my hands. I just shook my head, trying to get the images of Josh, bloody and broken, from my mind. I couldn’t tell him, he’d be terrified.

After a few minutes, they gave up on trying to make me tell them what he’d said, and started trying to calm me down, but I couldn’t get those images out of my head, and before long, I was a trembling, sobbing mess as my mind played out endless scenarios of Josh being raped and tortured, each one different but equally terrifying. When I finally came back to the real world, I was curled up in Josh’s lap, clinging to him so tightly I must have been hurting him, while he rocked us back and forth, making soft shushing noises and whispering soothingly in my ear. Max’s dad, a nurse, was crouching in front of us, wrapping a blanket around me as Max gently eased my hands away from Josh, rubbing them in his own and blowing on them to get some warmth back into them. 

When he noticed I was calming down, Mitch took my hands from Max and pushed a mug of hot tea into them.

“You went into shock, love. Drink that, it’ll help,” he told me softly, and I nodded, sipping it gingerly as I pushed my body as close to Josh’s as I could. He noticed and held me tighter, resuming his rocking and soft words of comfort. When I finally felt better, and Mitch decided I was alright, Josh pressed a kiss to the top of my head and sighed.

“Please tell us what’s wrong,” he pleaded softly, but I sighed and shook my head.

“I just want to go to bed,” I rasped, and they both nodded, surrendering without further protest. 

I was haunted by nightmares all night, waking up shaking and gasping for breath every hour. When I woke up just after three, though, something was different, the air in the room felt strange. I couldn’t figure it out until I heard it, a soft voice making odd cooing noises across the room. I turned over and my whole body went icy. Someone was leaning over Max, stroking his face and making those odd noises. It wasn’t Josh, I could feel him lying beside me, pressed against my back, I could hear his almost snores next to my ear. 

The intruder froze, as if he felt my gaze on him, and turned to meet my stare, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. He slowly, silently moved across the room, his eyes never leaving mine, and I turned over to continue watching him as he passed me. My heart jumped into my mouth and I whimpered softly as he stopped, crouching down beside Josh. I watched, frozen with terror as he ran his hand down Josh’s bare torso, then his eyes met mine as he slid a small, razor sharp blade from his pocket. 

He pressed it against Josh’s skin just above the centre of his pubic bone, just enough to break the skin and pull a soft, pained moan from his lips. I whimpered again.

“Please. Leave him alone. Do whatever you want to me, but please, don’t hurt him,” I pleaded hoarsely, and his eyes flashed, as though he were silently laughing at me. He squeezed Josh’s hip, then waggled the knife at me as two last, silent warnings, then he was gone.

I pulled Josh tight against my chest, clinging to him as I reassured myself that he was still breathing. I spent the rest of the night sobbing silently, my eyes never leaving the door as I prayed he wouldn’t come back. He didn’t, but if anything, that just scared me more.


	10. Chapter 10

Within a few days of that first night, I was pulled off our rota. I’d become as jumpy and paranoid as Max, and was absolutely useless. I was starting to look as bad as Max too, I was barely eating and only managing to fall asleep once every three or four days, and even then, it was only for a few hours. I’d become suffocatingly protective of Josh and Dan too, constantly texting or phoning them to keep track of where they were, making sure I was with them as much as possible. I’d even screamed in Dan’s face for almost an hour after he disappeared for a few hours without telling me where he was going.

That seemed to be the last straw for both of them. The next day, a Sunday, they stormed into my house without knocking, grabbed me from the kitchen table and dragged me up to my room, Josh slamming and locking the door behind us as Dan roughly pushed me down onto the bed, both of them standing over me looking furious as I tried to process what had happened.

“This stops now. You do not own us, you do not control us, you do _not_ fucking speak to me the way you did yesterday,” Dan snarled, and I started feeling guilty and scared at the same time. I was scared for two reasons, firstly, I’d never seen Dan angry before, and it was fucking terrifying; and secondly, I was positive they were about to break up with me, not that I’d blame them.

I was struggling to find words to explain myself, to placate them. At this point, I was on my seventh day without sleep, and my brain felt sluggish and muggy. They stood in front of me, glaring expectantly as I stammered and tried to find words, any words at all, but they just wouldn’t come. I finally stopped trying when Dan’s glare turned into an unimpressed frown.

“When did you last sleep? Or eat for that matter?” He asked me sharply, and I flinched, shrugging nervously. 

“About a week since I slept and three days since I ate,” I told him softly, and Josh frowned with him, sighing resignedly.

Without saying anything, he kicked off his shoes, took his hoodie off and threw it over the back of my chair, then flumped down onto the bed, pulling me to lie down with him and motioning for Dan to do the same.

“I’m still pissed, we both are, but it can wait until you’ve gotten some sleep,” he told me, and I sat back up, shaking my head frantically.

“I can’t! I can’t go to sleep, please don’t make me, I-I…” I stammered and trailed off, quailing under the furious looks they were both giving me. I nodded meekly and lay back down, letting them both press tightly against me, arms winding tightly around my waist as they tried to get me to relax enough to sleep. Eventually, their calming and shushing worked, and I let the crushing exhaustion take over.

When I woke up, it looked like the sun was rising, and Josh and Dan were still lying either side of me, talking softly. I stretched, my back arching as several joints popped. When I flopped back down, I felt Josh’s hand stroking my face.

“Feel better?” He asked softly and I nodded.

“Yeah, did I sleep right through?” I asked, clearing my throat, and they both sighed.

“It’s Wednesday, Liv. You slept for three days,” Dan replied stoically, and I nodded, gulping as I wondered whether they were still angry.

We were silent for a minute, then Dan sighed deeply.

“Listen, Liv, we’re not mad anymore. We talked about it while you were asleep, and we realise now. You’re not well. Whatever’s wrong with Max has gotten to you, and we’re going to get you both help, ok? We’ll do whatever it takes to get you both well again,” he told me gently, and I started feeling frustrated.

“I’m not sick! And I’m not imagining things! He was there, He said… H-he said…” I stuttered to a stop, suddenly aware of what I was about to reveal. I still hadn’t told anyone about the threat, and I wasn’t about to.

“Said what, Liv? You’re talking about that night you freaked out, right? What did he say? Tell me!” Josh demanded, gripping my shoulders and shaking me gently.

I stayed silent, shaking my head as I felt tears building. I couldn’t tell them, even if it meant letting them think I was mental.

“I’m not sick, I’m not,” I whispered, still shaking my head, and I saw them share a glance, clearly not believing me. I almost got angry, but then I realised; of course they wouldn’t believe me, I mean, crazy doesn’t know it’s crazy, right?

I gusted out a sigh and looked at both of them, trying to look as sane as possible.

“Look, I’m not crazy, ok? I saw him, he was in the room with us. You saw me answer the phone, J, you heard him talking,” I tried to reason with them, but Dan still didn’t look convinced, and Josh was chewing on his bottom lip.

“I didn’t hear anything, Liv. I-I just assumed, because you didn’t scream like the first time, and the way the colour drained from your face, but… I didn’t hear anything,” he told me softly, and I sighed, letting my head drop.

We were silent for a few seconds, then Dan leant over and squeezed my knee gently.

“Is he… Is he in the room with us now?” He faltered hesitantly, and I started getting angry.

“I’m not fucking seeing things! I haven’t seen him since that first night! I woke up, he was standing over Max, and he came over, h-he… He leant over me for a few seconds, just staring at me to freak me out, waved a fucking knife in my face, then he just left! I haven’t seen him since, and I’m not fucking hallucinating!” I snapped, faltering slightly in the middle as I almost blurted out what he’d done to Josh, which I hadn’t told anyone, for fear of having to explain the rest.

They were quiet after my outburst, probably trying to think of another way to convince me that none of this was real. The longer the silence dragged on, the more I started doubting myself. Had I really seen him? I’d watched him cut Josh’s stomach, but Josh hadn’t mentioned it, and when I’d caught a flash of his stomach a few days later when his t shirt had ridden up, I’d seen no sign of the cut either. I had thought to myself at the time that the air in the room felt different; I’d told myself it was because I’d sensed his presence, but what if it had felt different because it had been a dream, or a hallucination?

Finally, when I was almost sure I was crazy, Dan unfolded his long legs and stood with a sigh.

“Ok, we’re obviously not going to convince you, at least not right now, so…” He started pulling on his shoes as Josh followed suit, and I started to panic. What if I was crazy? What if they stopped trying to convince me altogether, gave up on me entirely and broke up with me?

Before I knew what I was doing, I was kneeling on the edge of my bed, my face buried in Dan’s stomach as I clung to his waist.

“No, don’t leave, please. I-I don’t know what’s happening. I… I’m scared. I don’t think I can do this alone. Please, don’t go,” I sobbed, clinging tighter as I felt his fingers card through my hair.

They both relented, removing their shoes again and climbing back onto the bed with me, letting me cling to them as they tried to comfort me. What the fuck was happening to me?


	11. Chapter 11

Within a few days of my epiphany, I’d admitted to my family that I was hallucinating, and mum had dragged me to the doctor. I told her about the hallucinations, the paranoia that I was being watched or followed, my lack of appetite and insomnia, then mum jumped in, mentioning that I barely spoke now, and when I did, it tended to be rambling nonsense, which I had put down to sleep deprivation, but judging by the ‘hmm’ the doctor made as she nodded and wrote something down, I assumed I was wrong. She confirmed this a few minutes later, when she said two words that floored me.

Paranoid Schizophrenia, she thought I was fucking Schizophrenic. She said I wouldn’t have an official diagnosis until I’d spoken to the ‘mental health professional’ she was referring me to, but she gave me prescriptions for anti-psychotics, a liquid nutritional supplement called Ensure to get my weight back up, and sleeping pills in the mean time. 

When we left the doctor’s and got my prescriptions, mum bought a bottle of water at the same time and made me take the anti-psychotics right then and there in front of her. If anything, though, I felt worse. The walk to the bus stop, the wait for the bus, and the walk from our bus stop to the house, I was positive someone was watching us, my eyes constantly darting around trying to find the person I was sure was following us, but I never found him.

Around half an hour after we got home, the anti-psychotics kicked in, and I felt more tension than I thought possible melt away, the paranoia vanishing as I finally relaxed. I still didn’t seem to have much of an appetite though, so when mum called us for dinner, I simply sat sipping from one of the Ensure bottles while everyone else ate, Tom giving me worried glances the entire time, despite my almost constant reassurances that I felt fine, better than I had in weeks.

On Monday, Tom and I went straight to our common room, where we knew everyone else would be. I hadn’t been to school in a fortnight, and everyone knew by now that I was going crazy, so when we walked in, they were all acting overly happy, chattering too loudly, trying to make things as normal as possible, but really just making everything weirder.

Finally, I raised my hand to shut everyone up and sighed.

“Stop, just… Stop. I know you guys were worried, but it’s fine, _I’m_ fine. I went to the doctor, I’m over-medicated, and I feel a lot better, so just… Stop being weird, yeah?” I explained, but they seemed more worried.

“Medicated? What for?” Dan asked with a frown as he took my hand and led me over to a couch, pulling me down so I was squished between him and Josh. Once I’d gotten settled, I explained everything that had gone on with the doctor, Josh’s grip on my hand slowly getting tighter as I spoke. 

Max was the first to speak up once I was done.

“Y-you don’t think I’m schizophrenic too, do you?” He asked worriedly, and I could see his line of thinking, we were both freaking out in the same way. I laughed and shook my head, though.

“I don’t think so, I mean, it’s not as if it’s catching, is it? And that restricted number keeps phoning you, your parents, Josh and I have all seen it. Then again, I’m not exactly a reliable source these days, am I?” I asked with a self-depreciating scoff, and Josh pinched the back of my hand, making me yelp softly.

“Don’t do that. It’s not funny,” he scolded, and I nodded with a sigh.

As the days passed, I found the anti-psychotics weren’t quite working, in that I still felt like I was being watched almost constantly, only now I just didn’t care. Occasionally, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and think I could see someone standing at the foot of my bed or in my doorway, but between the anti-psychotics and the sleeping pills, I just couldn’t bring myself to care about it.

One thing that did bother me, and almost made me stop taking them, happened one Friday afternoon after school. I had gone to Josh’s, where we were waiting for Dan to come from a dentist’s appointment, so we could have a sort of date night. We’d gotten bored and started heavily making out on his bed, one of his hands pinning both of mine to the bed above my head, while his other hand roamed my body, pulling soft, frustrated whines from me. When he’d finally slid his hand down to cup me through my jeans, we’d both had the revelation that I wasn’t the slightest bit hard. 

He’d started giving me the ‘it happens to everyone’ speech, but I insisted it didn’t happen to me. He humoured me, and we looked up my meds on the internet and sure enough, the ones I was taking could ‘sometimes reduce sexual interest and impair sexual performance’. I vowed then and there to stop taking them, but after much pleading, coaxing and emotional blackmail, which Dan joined in on when he got there, I reluctantly agreed to persevere.

From then on, hot and heavy moments were few and far between, at least where I was involved. The few times we’d tried again had left me frustrated, embarrassed and bad tempered, so I often found myself pushing them away whenever they tried to instigate something.

Within a few weeks, I had an appointment with the mental health guy. I spent hours answering questions, trying my best to explain what was happening to me. Finally, it was over, and he called dad into the office with us. He was quiet for a few moments as he looked over the notes he’d taken. 

When he looked up at us, it was with an apologetic smile.

“I do not believe that you are schizophrenic, Oliver. Unfortunately, I have no idea what is wrong. The sleeping pills are definitely helping, and you told me that although you are still experiencing hallucinations and delusions, the anti-psychotics you’ve been prescribed are helping you function normally, so I would like to continue with your current medications, and schedule fortnightly appointments until I have a better idea of your condition and the best way to treat it.” 

I was both relieved and disappointed. I was glad I wasn’t schizo, but at the same time, if that wasn’t what was wrong with me, what the fuck was?


	12. Chapter 12

The weeks passed quickly and with little event. My appointments with Dr. Lester went smoothly. I’d talk about what was happening at home, at school, with my friends, with my relationship, what my thoughts on events were, how I felt. Surprisingly, I felt comfortable enough to talk about the… intimacy issues I was having. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t change my meds, something about metabolising things and changing could be dangerous.

Max was still being followed and harassed, but he seemed to be dealing with it better. He was slowly getting back to a decent weight; he had some of his colour back and seemed to be sleeping better. He’d even decided to get rid of the rota the others had kept to vigilantly. He told us whoever it was hadn’t done anything, even when he seemingly snuck in during the night. When Max woke up in the mornings, small things would be slightly out of place, but his stalker had never hurt him or done anything malicious, so Max had lost the need to feel scared anymore.

Dan and Josh had given up on instigating anything with me. The last time I’d pushed them away, Dan had gotten upset, thinking I didn’t want them anymore, even though he knew about the problems the meds were giving me. The three of us had a long talk, and I’d explained that the reason I kept pushing them away wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but that every time they tried and my body failed to react, I felt frustrated and ashamed, I felt like I was letting them down, and that my own body was letting me down. Since then, they’d stopped trying, but at my insistence, they continued doing things with each other. The thought that they were depriving themselves because of me made me feel worse, so they reluctantly agreed.

Until one day, the three of us were in Dan’s bedroom, sprawled across each other on his bed watching a DVD. We had the house to ourselves for the weekend. His parents and older sister had gone back to Surrey to visit his grandparents, and Josh and I miraculously had permission from our parents to spend the weekend. The only condition was that Josh phoned his mum first thing in the morning and last thing at night to reassure her we were still alive, and I had to phone every time I had to take my meds, so one of my parents could listen to me taking them to make sure I hadn’t forgotten.

We were half way through the shit and getting worse movie, when Josh wriggled closer to me, pressing his face against his neck. A few seconds later, I felt him pressing kisses to my neck, his tongue flicking against my skin a few times. I was about to push him away as usual, when he gently bit down on the right spot, and I moaned softly, feeling something stirring for the first time in too long.

“Oh god, do that again,” I moaned softly, gasping and whining as he bit down harder, his hand coming to stroke me through my jeans as my body finally reacted.

Within minutes, Josh was straddling my waist, my t shirt was on the floor somewhere as he kissed and bit at my stomach and Dan attacked my neck. All I could do was lie there, writhing and moaning helplessly, until Josh got to my hips. He pressed his fingers against the button of my jeans and looked at me unsurely, chewing his lip.

“Is this ok?” He asked softly, and I nodded desperately, my nails scratching his arm as I tried to guide his hand lower.

He laughed softly but obliged, his lips pressing against my stomach again as he unbuttoned my jeans and slid his hand into my boxers, stroking torturously slow. I whined desperately, bucking my hips as my fingers slid into the hair at the nape of his neck, trying to pull his head lower.

Even through the haze, I instantly knew I’d done the wrong thing. He completely froze, slowly raising big, scared doe eyes to mine.

“I-I can’t. I mean, I-I’ve never…” He stammered softly, and without hesitating, I reached to button my jeans back up. Before I could, a hand wrapped around mine, stopping me. I looked up at Dan, his lips swollen and his eyes glazed with lust.

“J, switch places with me,” he commanded hoarsely, but I shook my head.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to,” I reassured him, but he simply smiled at me, then moved down my body, gently tugging Josh’s arm until he switched places, lying beside me, still giving me that big doe eyed look.

“I’m sorry, Liv, I just-” I cut him off by grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down until his lips crashed against mine.

I moaned as Dan unzipped my jeans, pulling them and my boxers half way down my thighs. He started licking and biting my hips, then moved to my thighs, then back again, his lips curving into a smile against my skin as my hips bucked, pathetic, desperate whines pouring out as I desperately tried to get him to touch me.

Finally, he wriggled around until he was settled comfortably between my thighs, and just when I was about to whine again, I felt his tongue pressing against the base of my shaft, slowly gliding up to the tip. My lips broke away from Josh’s as my back arched, my eyes rolling back as I moaned feebly. Weeks of frustration had led up to this and it was definitely worth it.

He wrapped his hand around the base as he took the head in his mouth, sucking gently as his tongue swirled around and teased the slit, pulling soft, helpless moans from my throat. As he slowly slid his lips further down, I threaded my fingers through his hair and tugged gently, remembering his moans the last time I’d done it. Sure enough, the slightest tug made him suck slightly harder in surprise as he moaned quietly. The harder suck and vibrations from his throat were almost too much to handle, my back arching impossibly further as I made soft, high-pitched little ‘ah ah ah’ noises.

As his mouth slid further down, I felt one of his hands grip my hip, his thumb rubbing maddening circles as the other hand slipped between my legs. I started to get slightly worried about where that hand was going, but before I could think about it too much, the head hit the back of his throat, and he swallowed around it as his fingers pressed against something that caused the strongest wave of pleasure I’d ever felt to engulf me as I gasped for breath, attempting to scream but only managing tiny whimpers.

He continued this for several minutes, drawing back to breath before deep-throating and swallowing several times as his fingers pressed against that spot in time with his swallows. Within minutes, I was on the edge of an orgasm, and before I could even warn him, my eyes rolled back in my head as I came down his throat with a shuddering gasp. He didn’t seem to mind, drinking it down as he continued to suck, to draw my orgasm out as long as possible until I was whining and pushing my hips down into the bed from over stimulation.

I sank into the bed, realising how much tension I’d been carrying now that it was gone. I felt them both moving beside me, Josh gently lifting my hips from the bed so Dan could slide my boxers and jeans back up, leaving the button and the zip undone. Finally, they flopped down either side of me, Josh’s fingers massaging the skin just below my belly button while Dan’s carded through my hair.

“Y’know, I didn’t think you’d be that quiet in bed,” Dan commented with a soft laugh, and I smiled.

“And I didn’t think you’d be that amazing at giving head. What was that thing you did with your fingers?” I asked, making a small noise of enjoyment as Josh’s fingers found a spot that caused a warm, tingling feeling to erupt in my stomach. Dan laughed again.

“Perineum. If you catch it right, you can stimulate the prostate from the outside. Obviously, I caught it right,” he explained, and I hummed in agreement, letting me eyes slip closed in bliss. I was going to enjoy the feeling. No doubt, I’d be thrumming with frustration and sexual tension again in no time.


	13. Chapter 13

After that, things went much smoother, now that the foul mood I hadn’t realised I’d been permanently in had lifted. The only noteworthy event was Dr. Lester giving me a proper diagnosis. I was not Schizophrenic, I was suffering from Brief Reactive Psychosis. He believed that Max’s stalker threatening Josh in such a way had traumatised me so deeply that it had made me briefly psychotic. We agreed that the anti-psychotics I’d been taking weren’t working properly, and we agreed to stop them, only I’d have to slowly decrease my dose, as coming off of them completely too fast would cause worse psychosis. 

He talked me through the options, which were therapy, which I was already having with him, and even though it did make me feel better, it hadn’t helped the psychosis. The other options were animal-assisted therapy, which wouldn’t work, as dad was allergic to animal fur; Vitamin B-12 injections, as psychosis had been seen in people with deficiencies; and Electroconvulsive Therapy, which he admitted he was reluctant to do. Since neither of us were keen on the ECT, we decided to try the B-12 first and leave the ECT as a last resort.

He called a nurse in to give me the first injection, and to take a blood sample, to check how much of the anti-psychotic was in my system. After that, I was free to go, unfortunately, it was back to school.

I had just sat down in last period Art with Josh and Dan, when I felt my mobile vibrate in my pocket. I tried to be discreet about slipping it out to check it, but the teacher noticed and barked at me to put it away.

“It’s my doctor, miss, I’m pretty sure it’s important,” I told her, then answered it as I stood up and weaved my way to the door.

I barely got out a ‘hello’ before Dr. Lester barked down the phone at me.

“Where are you?” He demanded, and I reeled slightly in surprise.

“Um, I’m at school, why?” I asked quietly, still trying to figure out what I may have done wrong.

“Which school? What’s the address?” He fired quickly, and I rushed to give him the information.

“I’m sending an ambulance for you right now. Be ready and waiting at the office when it gets there,” he demanded, and I started to panic.

“An ambulance? Why the hell do I need an ambulance?” I asked quickly, and he sighed.

“I got your blood work back, you’re neither Schizophrenic nor suffering Brief Reactive Psychosis. You have dangerously high levels of Dextromethorphan in your system. It causes hallucinations, as well as dilated pupils; bruxia, more commonly known as grinding of the teeth or clenching of the jaw; shallow respiration; paresthesia or pins and needles; and skin rashes. I’ve noticed all of those in you, or you’ve mentioned them to me. Now get down to the office and wait for the ambulance.”

He hung up then, leaving me dumbfounded. Suddenly, everything clicked into place, and I bolted back into the classroom, grabbed my bag and hoodie, then spun round to leave again.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing, Mr. Sykes?” Ms. Carter hissed, and I glared at her.

“My doctor’s sending an ambulance for me, he told me to wait at the office for them,” I spat, then continued out of the room.

I hadn’t even left the Art department when I heard footsteps behind me, then Josh was at my side, his hand slipping into mine.

“We’re coming with you. Dan’s gone to get Tom, then they’re both meeting us at the office. What’s going on?” He gasped out, and I squeezed his hand as we started down the stairs.

Dan and Tom were quicker than expected, as they were waiting at the office when we got there. I told them quickly what was going on, stumbling over the name of the substance until I gave up and referred to it as ‘a thing’.

“So, what, they think you’re on drugs?” Tom asked incredulously, and I shook my head.

“No, I think that they think I’m being poisoned,” I replied, and all three of them gaped at me, not even noticing the paramedics walking towards us.

There was a brief argument about Tom, Josh and Dan coming with us in the ambulance, until I threatened to go back to class and take my chances with ‘the thing’ unless they were allowed to come. As soon as we were in the ambulance, they turned on the lights and the sirens and we shot out of the car park at an alarming speed.

They insisted on taking me into the hospital on a stretcher, and we sped through A&E, Dr. Lester appearing out of nowhere to walk with us as we turned into a long corridor. Everything was going too fast, so I closed my eyes and blocked everything out, until a large hand gripped my arm and shook it gently. I cracked my eyes open and found Dan hovering over me looking worried.

“They need to put you on a drip. They need your permission,” He told me gently, and I nodded. I slid myself up until I was reclining on the bed I hadn’t even felt them move me onto, and looked around.

Dr. Lester was standing halfway down the bed with another doctor, a woman with dark red hair and kind eyes.

“Go ahead and stick me, then,” I joked, holding my arm out for her. She laughed and handed me a clipboard instead.

“We need you to sign the consent form first, just in case you change your mind and try to sue us.” 

I laughed and looked the form over quickly. It was exactly what she said it was, I wasn’t agreeing to anything I didn’t know about, which made me realise that I didn’t even know what the drip was for. I looked up at her and asked.

“It’s saline, to keep you hydrated; and Naloxone, to counteract the Dextromethorphan. Dr. Lester mentioned you’ve had rapid respiration for a while now, so we’re putting you on a nil by mouth order, as the elevated respiration increases the risk of choking, or food particles entering your lungs,” she promptly replied, and I nodded, signing the consent form, then holding out my arm to her again.

Once the cannula had been placed, the medical staff cleared out, apart from Dr. Lester, who watched as Tom and Dan sat down in the plastic chairs around the bed, while Josh crawled onto the bed with me and let me curl into his side. When we were settled, Dr. Lester motioned to one of the empty chairs, silently asking permission to sit.

Once I’d nodded, and he’d plopped down into it, he turned to me with a grim smile.

“I’m assuming you were poisoned by the person that has been stalking Max and threatened Jo-” 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” I hissed, but I hadn’t cut him off quick enough, the three of them were staring at me.

“He threatened me?” Josh asked in a small voice, and I nodded, telling them about that night at Max’s.

“That’s why you were practically suffocating us? You were scared he’d hurt us?” Dan asked softly, and when I nodded, he slid onto the bed on my other side and they both held me tightly.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Josh asked softly, and I shrugged.

“I didn’t want to scare you,” I mumbled against his shoulder, and they both sighed.

“So you bottled it up and almost drove yourself insane with it instead,” Dan scolded, and all I could do was nod.

Dr. Lester left us after that, and we sat around and talked for a while, until Josh’s mobile rang. He answered it, and Matt’s voice was loud enough for all of us to hear.

 _“Where the hell are you?!”_ He demanded, and Josh sighed, then explained what had happened, and told him the hospital and room number after Matt demanded them. Without answering, Matt hung up, and less than a minute later, he burst into the room with Chris, Nicholls, Lee and Vegan.

“How the fuck did you get here so quick?” Tom asked, none of us missing the panicked look on their faces.

“We were out in the waiting room already. Max has been attacked.”


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as Matt’s words had sunk in, I reached around Josh and grabbed the nurse call button, squeezing it tightly until the red headed doctor from before returned. It took some debate, but I managed to convince her to let me out of bed to see Max. I had to lean on someone for support at all times, and be ridiculously careful with the cannula, though.

We didn’t actually know which room Max was in yet, so she checked the nurses station, then led us to a door three along from mine. She made us wait in the hall as she slid around the door, then after a few moments of quiet mumbles, she and Max’s doctor came back out.

“You can sit with him, but only for ten minutes, and try not to get him worked up,” Max’s doctor, a tall, solidly built man told us, then walked away with my doctor.

I wasn’t sure what I expected to see, but what I did see shocked me. The blanket was resting around the top of his rib cage, but everything above it was bare, his hands above the blanket resting on his stomach. Almost every inch of exposed skin was badly bruised, and he had what looked like deep cuts on his face, arms and shoulders.

He was awake, but he looked exhausted, even as he smiled at us. As we sat down, he looked at me with wide eyes.

“It was Jona, all of it was Jona. He was stalking me, and you, to make sure you weren’t getting too close. He said he’d threatened you, threatened to hurt Josh if you didn’t back off. He said he’s been poisoning you so everyone would think you were crazy,” he rasped, his hands clenching the blanket.

“Don’t, Maxi, the doctor said you’re not supposed to get worked up,” I told him softly, but he shook his head.

“You need to know. They’re talking about sedating me, I need to tell you before I forget. He tried to rape me, but I kicked him off and he went off on this long speech, telling me all about what he’d done, how it wasn’t fair that you’d gotten what you wanted and he hadn’t, so he would have to take it by force. Thankfully, he talked for so long, I managed to get the rope off my hands and phone Chris, he heard a big chunk of it, and I managed to get the bastard to tell me where we were. After he said that, I hung up and tried to escape, that’s how I ended up like this. Thankfully, that lot got there right before he knocked me out. God only knows what he would’ve done to me if they hadn’t.”

We sat in shocked silence, and guilt flooded me. I had encouraged Jona in the beginning, told him to go after Max and get what he wanted, but I hadn’t meant like this. A hand slid into mine, and I looked up into Max’s soft eyes.

“This wasn’t your fault. I don’t know how you could think it is, but I can see you blaming yourself, so don’t,” he insisted, and I gave him a wavering smile.

“What happened to Jona?” I asked softly, hoping he wasn’t getting away with it.

“Vegan knocked him out with one punch. The police have him now. He’ll be extradited back to Australia and tried for attempted rape and GBH with intent.” Chris put in quietly, and I sighed in relief, at least none of us would need to see him again.

Shortly after that, a nurse came in to shoo us out, telling us that Max needed to rest, and he needed to take a blood sample from me. I clung to Tom’s arm, shuffling after him as he lead me back to my room, completely unaware of my surroundings as my mind spun at what Jona had done.

I barely even noticed our parents were in my room, and Tom and Dan had to lift me back onto the bed and force me to lie down. I was aware enough to reach out and snag Tom’s sleeve as I turned onto my side, and held my arms up once he turned around, silently asking him to lie with me. He slid onto the bed with me, holding me tightly as I curled up against his side and rested my head on his shoulder.

At seven o’clock, my doctor, Dr. Bailey, I’d discovered her name was, came in to check my progress and kick everyone out for the night. I’d let everyone else hug me and filter out, but when Tom tried to get up from the bed, I clung tighter as the heart monitor went mental.

Turned out that the thought of not having my baby brother with me gave me a panic attack, so Dr. Bailey let him stay. She informed us that my condition hadn’t changed yet, but she hadn’t expected it to, then had a nurse bring in some food for Tom, sternly reminding him that I was nil by mouth as she left.

Max and I ended up getting out of the hospital on the same day, nine days after we’d gone in. I’d endured three days of everyone apologising for not believing me, until I’d gotten so frustrated with them that suddenly I couldn’t breath, a steel band around my chest as I started to choke. Surprisingly, that had gotten the point across that I didn’t want their apologies better than words had.

When I went home, Dan and Josh came with me. I was on bed rest for another week at least, so as soon as we walked through the front door, Josh’s arms wound around my waist and hoisted me onto Dan’s back. He insisted on carrying me up to bed, and once he’d gently settled me on it and helped me get comfy, he went over to the bookcase full of DVDs, reading off each title until he found one I wanted to watch, while Josh fluttered around me, fluffing up my pillows, making sure I was comfortable, and asking me if I wanted everything from tea to a five course meal.

I waved him off, and frowned at both of them.

“The doctor was wrong, I can do all of this for myself.”

“But you’re breathing still isn’t right, and-” I raised my hand to cut Josh off and sighed.

“I know that, and I know what the doctor said, but I feel fine. I spent the last two days moving around and doing things for myself when the nurses weren’t looking. I’m fine, I promise,” I told them, sighing when I saw the sad look in Dan’s eyes.

“Why do you never let anyone look after you, Liv? Even when you get migraines, you let us do the bare minimum. Just let us look after you, please,” his voice was soft and sad, and I sighed again, nodding in defeat.

“I could use some tea, and maybe something to eat,” I relented, making Josh grin as he bounced from the room.

Dan put the DVD in and settled on the bed next to me, pulling me against him and playing with my hair as we waited for Josh to come back before playing the film. When he came back, it was with three mugs balanced in one hand, a massive plate of sandwiches in the other, a massive bag of Doritos and three tubes of Pringles wedged under his arm. I laughed at how much he’d brought, but accepted it gratefully all the same.

We settled down with our food and played the film, Chernobyl Diaries, and I smiled to myself as Dan’s free hand found its way back into my hair, while Josh’s played with my fingers absently. I decided then that letting them take care of me sometimes wouldn’t be so bad. Not often, but sometimes.


	15. Chapter 15

Over the next few days, it became evident that as well as Jona poisoning me, the Brief Reactive Psychosis diagnosis had also been right. I’d gotten out of the hospital on a Friday, so Josh and Dan managed to talk their parents and mine into letting them stay with me for the weekend. 

The rest of Friday went fine, we watched several DVD’s and continued stuffing our faces until we felt slightly sick. We settled down to sleep, and I fell into a sound sleep surprisingly quickly. The problems started when I woke up just after three in the morning. I lay still for a few seconds, trying to figure out what had woken me, until a shadow beside the bed moved, and I realised why I was awake. 

Jona was standing beside the bed, slowly leaning towards me, his malicious grin slowly becoming visible. I jolted from my shock and tried to scream, but I barely opened my mouth, and his long, slim hands curled around my neck, quickly squeezing tight enough to force my windpipe closed and silence me. 

I began thrashing desperately as I choked loudly, trying to pull in some air. Within seconds, the lamp on the bedside table flicked on, and Dan’s face appeared in front of Jona’s. 

“Liv, baby, it’s ok. It’s just a dream, you’re ok, it’s just a dream,” he tried to soothe, but Jona rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and tightened his hands. I felt my eyes widen as I choked for air again, just managing to move my hand to motion to the space between Dan and Josh, where Jona was leaning in again, adding what felt like his entire body weight to the superhuman grip he already had on my throat. 

They both turned to look, then looked at me again, frowning in confusion.

“Baby, there’s nothing there. Please, just try to relax and breathe,” Josh soothed, and suddenly, Jona vanished into thin air. I gasped in air greedily, coughing as my windpipe opened painfully. Josh slowly and gently lifted me into a sitting position, both of them gently gripping a shoulder each to steady me as they rubbed my back until my breathing evened out.

Finally, I could breathe somewhat normally again, and I slumped against Dan’s shoulder.

“It was just a dream, babe, you’re safe now,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my temple, but I shook my head.

“It wasn’t. I was awake the whole time, Jona was here, he tried to kill me,” I rasped, and I felt both of them tense up.

“I thought the hallucinations were meant to have stopped,” Josh whispered, the hand rubbing my back slowing down.

“It didn’t feel like a hallucination. I could feel his hands, I felt my windpipe close. I honestly thought it was real until he vanished into thin air,” I croaked, Dan’s arms winding around me tightly as he rocked us slightly.

Nothing else was said as we sat for a while longer, calming down until Dan lay back down, gently pulling me with him. They both fell asleep quickly, but I lay awake the rest of the night, eyes darting around the room, waiting for shadows to start moving again.

When morning finally came, Josh took one look at me and gasped, his fingers gently touching my throat. I frowned at him in confusion, and he turned me around to face the mirror. My throat was encompassed by two large, purple hand shaped bruises.

My hand rose to my neck, tracing the bruises. I opened my mouth to speak, but then… Josh walked in. I looked into the mirror, to where he was standing behind me just seconds before, but he was gone, as were the bruises on my throat.

“Liv, you ok?” He asked softly as I frowned in confusion.

“I think I was hallucinating again,” I murmured, and he sighed, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and squeezing me tightly as he led me out of the room.

It happened twice more that day. I had a ten minute conversation with Tom, until Dan came into the kitchen and asked who I was talking to, then led me into the living room, where Tom was sitting with Josh and dad. A while after that, I was on the phone with Jordan for almost an hour, until it rang in my hand and I realised I’d been talking to myself the whole time.

That was why I spent all of Sunday clinging to either Josh or Dan, asking several times if people were really there, or if things were really happening. At least, until they went home, then I was on my own. I wanted to cling to Tom, but Dr. Lester had told me he thought my relationship with Tom was ‘dangerously co-dependent’, so I was trying to let him live his own life.

On Monday morning, I decided to ignore the doctor’s instructions, and mum’s worrying, and headed to school with Tom. When the others started piling into our common room, I was just finishing my bottle of Ensure for the day. I still hadn’t regained all the weight I’d lost, so I’d asked Dr. Lester to keep the prescription going for the time being. Josh and Dan sat down on either side of me as I finished the bottle and threw it across the room to the bin.

“You’re supposed to be on bed rest until the weekend, at the very earliest,” Dan commented disapprovingly, and I shrugged.

“I couldn’t sit around any more, or I would have actually gone mad this time,” I defended, and Dan opened his mouth to argue, but Josh interrupted him.

“You’re doing it again,” he told me cryptically, and I frowned at him with an eyebrow raised questioningly. “You’re breathing really fast, grinding your teeth, and if you scratch your arm much more than you have, it’ll bleed. I thought your doctor said all of those were because of the poisoning?” He asked, and I frowned.

“It was because of the poisoning, but the doctor said I’d recovered from it, if the doctor said I‘ve recovered, then why would it still be happening, it shouldn‘t be happening, so why are you saying it‘s happening?” I replied, and they looked at each other worriedly.

“You’re talking really fast and rambley again, too,” Dan added, and I frowned, struggling to put all the information together in my head. I looked down at my left forearm, and as Josh said, it was scratched to the point where the skin was almost broken, with a blistery red rash, and the muscles in my hand and arm were spasming.

Dan seemed to have put the pieces together quicker than I did, grabbing my phone from my hoodie pocket and phoning Dr. Lester quickly. After a quick conversation, he hung up.

“He said that he doesn’t think there’s anything to worry about. There hasn’t been enough time for it to build up in your system. Just keep taking the meds they gave you to flush it out of your system, and you’ll be fine,” he relayed, and everyone seemed a little less worried.

“But, how the hell is he still poisoning you?” Nicholls wondered, and Tom gasped.

“The Ensure. Everyone knows you drink one religiously, he could have poisoned all of them at the same time,” he realised, and we all nodded in agreement. The only thing I ate or drank every single day, without fail, was one of my Ensures. I made a note to stop drinking them, and give one of them to Dr. Lester, so he could test it, to make sure Tom was right. At least we might have finally solved the mystery of how he was poisoning me. And as much as I hated to admit it, it was a brilliant idea.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit sex scene, because I can't write sex, but at least I tried.

Once I stopped drinking the Ensures, I started feeling a million times better. I had more energy, I was eating and sleeping better, the rashes disappeared, and my libido came back with a force.

I was with Dan and Josh, sitting on Josh’s bed, revising, when it came back. One second, I was trying to commit music terms to memory, the next, I was so hard and desperate, I couldn’t think at all, and I could barely breathe. They both looked at me worriedly as I started gasping.

“You alright, love?” Josh asked, running his fingers through my hair, but all that did was make me even more desperate.

“If one or both of you doesn’t fuck me right now, I swear to god, my balls are going to explode,” I groaned, and they both gaped at me in surprise.

I was just about to start begging, when Dan crawled into my lap and kissed me hard, rolling his hips down against mine. I felt Josh behind me, his hands on my sides as he started sucking on my neck. He barely got started, though, when Dan grabbed his wrist and started tugging.

“I wanna see if I can do both,” he groaned against my mouth, and though Josh stilled in confusion, there was only one thing on my mind, and I moaned desperately at the thought.

“Both?” Josh asked quietly, and I moaned again.

“He wants both of us,” I gasped out, latching onto Dan’s collarbone and biting quite harshly. It took Josh another few seconds to get it, then he gasped worriedly.

“Are you sure, love? I just… I don’t want to hurt you, and I know Liv doesn’t either, no matter how desperate he is,” he asked, and Dan nodded, moaning softly at the large, harsh love bite I was working on.

Josh hesitated for a few seconds, then moved around us so he was pressed against Dan’s back. I worked as quickly as my trembling hands would allow, and a few minutes later, we were naked, and Josh was rummaging in his bedside table. He came back, pressing a bottle of lube and a condom into my hands, quickly working on opening the condom he kept for himself. I ignored the condom for the moment, sitting it down on the bed beside me as I opened the lube and coated my fingers generously.

“You sure about this, babe?” I asked Dan gently, and he nodded quickly, grabbing my wrist and pushing my hand downwards. I didn’t hesitate, sliding my hand between his legs and easing a finger into him. He moaned softly, half in pain, half pleasure, but he relaxed easily, and it only took me a few minutes to get him stretched as much as I could. “Ready?” I mumbled as I put on the condom and lubed myself up, and when he nodded, I repositioned his hips and slid into him.

He moaned appreciatively, and turned his head slightly.

“Go for it, J, I can take it, I swear,” he pleaded, and I handed the lube to Josh, silently indicating that I agreed with Dan. He was biting his lip, and he still looked unsure, but he still lubed up his cock, and moved until the head was pressed against Dan’s entrance. He hesitated for a second, then seemed to steel himself and pushed the head in. Dan hissed softly, but nodded all the same. “It hurts a bit, but I can handle it, keep going,” he insisted, and Josh took a deep, steadying breath, and pushed the rest of the way in. By this point, I could barely breathe. Dan had felt amazing anyway, but now, he was so tight, and between the heat and tightness from Dan, and the feeling of Josh’s cock pressed against mine, it was taking every ounce of self-control I had not to cum. Dan made a small impatient noise, and I huffed.

“Hang on a sec, babe, I need to get control of myself, you feel too fucking good,” I groaned, and Josh whimpered in agreement.

“Right, just thought you were waiting for the go ahead,” Dan panted, but I barely heard him, I’d gone back to focusing on calming myself a bit.

Once I felt ready, I looked to Josh with my eyebrow raised questioningly. He nodded, and I pulled my hips back, raising my eyebrow again, silently asking Josh if he’d had the same thought I had. He nodded again, and I smiled through my groan of pleasure as I felt him pull his hips back at the same time I thrust forward. Dan quickly turned into a moaning, desperate mess as we kept up the rhythm, one of us moving back as the other thrust forward, his hands gripping desperately at whatever he could reach as his eyes rolled back in his head. I gripped my self-control as tightly as I could when I felt the heat pooling in my stomach, I was determined for Dan to cum first. When my control started slipping, I grabbed Dan’s cock and started fisting it harshly, and it quickly pushed him over the edge. I couldn’t hold back any more as he came with a hoarse scream, his muscles clenching around us and making us cum with him.

When I came down from my high, we were lying, tangled together, Dan trying to catch his breath with his head on my chest, playing with Josh’s hair as Josh lay with his head on Dan’s stomach. We didn’t say anything as they both managed to get their breath back and drifted off to sleep, and I watched them with a bitter sweet smile on my face. This was the perfect goodbye.

Once I was sure they were both deeply asleep, I carefully slid out from under Dan and got dressed as quietly as I could. I scribbled a quick note and left it on the bedside table, before giving them both one last kiss and slipping out of the room.

Once I was out on the street, I leaned against Josh’s garden wall and pulled out my phone, dialling Dr. Lester’s number from memory. I sighed in relief when he answered after four rings.

“Dr. Lester, it’s Oliver Sykes. The paranoia and hallucinations have started again. You have my boyfriend, Josh’s address, right?” When he confirmed that he did, I continued. “Good, because I’m standing outside Josh’s house, now, and I can’t take anymore. If there’s not an ambulance here for me in the next ten minutes, I’m going to kill myself,” I announced calmly, then hung up. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. I’d been struggling with the suicidal feelings for days, and I was starting to lose the fight. I needed help, and I needed it now.

Thankfully, Dr. Lester acted quickly, and I was in the ambulance, on my way to a locked psychiatric ward within seven minutes of phoning. When we got there, I did everything they asked without a fight, only the request that they turn away any visitors. I didn’t want to see anyone, not my parents, not Tom, no-one. They did as asked, and when the nurse came into my room to take away my tray after dinner, she told me they’d had to turn away my parents, my brother, my boyfriends, and all of my friends, which I had expected, and was extremely grateful to the nurses for.

Once she was gone, I settled down to sleep, with the feeling that everything would be alright, for the first time in a long time. Now, all I had to do was figure out how to explain myself to everyone once I got out. But that wouldn’t be for a long, long time.


	17. Chapter 17

It took a long time for me to feel alright again. Years, in fact. It was two weeks after my twenty-third birthday by the time I walked out of the doors of the psychiatric ward. When I did, I pulled out my phone, hoping Tom still had the same number. My parents had kept paying for it, in the hope that I would phone them to talk, or phone anyone, really. I hadn’t, though, so this would be the first time in seven years that I’d spoken to anyone outside of the ward.

When Tom answered the phone, it was with a disbelieving tone, and he was speaking louder than I’d ever heard him.

“Liv? Is it really you?” He asked shakily, and I smiled.

“Yeah, Tommy, it’s me. I’m out, where are you? I wanna see you,” I told him, and I could almost hear him grin.

“I’m at Wembley Arena, come down on the train,” he told me, and I frowned in confusion.

“Why the fuck are you at Wembley?” I asked, and he laughed slightly.

“Josh and Dan started a band with Max, Matt and Chris, they’re headlining Wembley tonight,” he explained, and I was flooded with pride, but it quickly died as I started to worry.

“They hate me, don’t they?” I asked softly, and he sighed.

“They don’t hate you. They were heartbroken when you left, even more so when you refused to see them, but they understand. They just want to see you,” he reassured me, and I sighed in relief.

“Alright, I’ll come down and see everyone. I’ll ring you when I’m just about there, so you can come out and get me, yeah?” I hung up after he agreed, and headed towards the train station, full of trepidation. Tom might be sure that they didn’t hate me, but I wasn’t.

I got more and more nervous as I followed Tom through the labyrinthine corridors of Wembley Arena, barely registering him chattering away, though I did notice enough to be proud of how much more confident he seemed now. I couldn’t help but hesitate when we got to a door with a sign that read ‘You Me At Six Dressing Room’ stuck to it. Tom noticed the terrified look on my face and took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. I smiled weakly, and he opened the door, tugging me inside.

Apparently, Tom had wanted my arrival to be a surprise. When we walked in, the room went silent, everyone gaping at us in shock. I stood just inside the door, fidgeting nervously as I watched Josh and Dan. Josh’s expression quickly changed from shock to joy, and he jumped up, almost running across the room and launching himself into my arms, hugging me so tightly I could barely breathe. A few seconds later, I felt Dan’s arms, a lot more muscled than I remembered, but still familiar, wrap around both of us and squeeze just as tight. It hit me just how much I’d missed hearing their voices, when Josh started mumbling disjointedly into my hair.

“So worried… Missed you so fucking much… So glad you’re here tonight… Never letting you out of my sight ever again…” When his grip finally loosened, I pulled back, my fear and insecurity clear on my face.

“So, you don’t hate me, then?” I asked softly, looking between the two of them hopefully. My stomach dropped when, instead of responding, Dan grabbed my wrist and led me out of the room. He led me to an empty conference room a few doors down, Josh trailing quietly behind us. By the time we got to the room, and Dan turned to me as Josh closed the door behind us, I was so heartbroken, so convinced they didn’t want me anymore, that I was sobbing quietly as the tears flowed uncontrollably. Dan’s eyes widened in surprise, and he pulled me into his arms.

“Shh, it’s alright, baby, everything’s going to be fine,” as soon as the word ‘baby’ left his mouth, I started sobbing harder, and loudly, this time in relief. Dan held me tighter, and Josh came over to hold me from behind, both of them rocking us and shushing softly until I calmed down. 

I pulled away and wiped my face free of tears, and Dan gently led me over to sit at the large table.

“I’m sorry I scared you, I just wanted to talk in private,” Dan explained, and I nodded. “We were so angry at you, for the longest time, for not saying anything, for leaving without saying goodbye, especially after we’d… We’re not angry anymore, though. We understand now, you were scared, and you didn’t know how to say what you needed to say,” he explained, and I sighed in relief as Josh took my hand.

“Is that why you didn’t want to see anyone? Because you didn’t know how to explain?” He asked gently, and I shrugged.

“Partly, that and I was ashamed. All that time, I’d been blaming my mental illness on Jona, only to realise I really was ill. I was too ashamed to face anyone, to admit that I’d been wrong,” I told them softly, and Josh squeezed my hand comfortingly.

“We understand that, but if it ever happens again, please, don’t shut yourself away. Just talk to us, we’ll do our best to understand, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Mental illness is just a fact of life for some people, and we all thought that it was Jona’s fault, too. We were just as wrong as you were,” he insisted, and I started to get hopeful.

“Y-you still want me, then? You haven’t moved on?” I asked tentatively, and Dan smiled affectionately.

“We could never move on from you, Liv, you’re everything to us,” he told me and I slumped against my seat as I sighed in relief.

Josh leaned over and kissed me, and I happily accepted. It was a little awkward and hesitant. We hadn’t seen each other in so long, and I was out of practice, but it held a promise, and neither of us was willing to break that promise.

I had a few more relapses over the years, and spent some more time in psychiatric wards, but I never shut them out again, and between them, they managed to get me to admit it without shame. I am a paranoid schizophrenic, and I’m damn proud of it.


End file.
